BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Oh God. It's happening again. I can feel it. And I hate it.
I feel so sad. So confused. So blech! I HATE IT!!!! I have no good reason to either. But I do. I feel like I just want to cry. I just want to go away for a while. I just want my life to work itself out like it should. And it hasn't. And it isn't. And it feels like it never will.
I feel this huge disconnect...and it breaks my heart. Am I just floating through life? Have I grown to be content being complacenet? What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just say what I want to say. Do what I want to do. Be who I want to be...without feeling like a traitor or imposter to myself? Every time I feel like I am catching a break, it's like I wake up from a dream and nothing has changed...everything was all in my head.
I'm tired of being unhappy. But I don't know how to change that. I don't know what it is (exactly) that is making it so. I have my guesses, but none seem to be right. And even if they are, there doesn't seem to be a way to fix or change them.
Christ, it's like I'm talking myself in circles. Everyone's all "you know what you want, go get it" HA! FUCK THAT! There's a lot I want to do or change but it's not that easy. And whoever claims it to be is a freakin liar.
I just want to feel: truly happy. loved. accepted. special. right. not wrong. like everythign is/will be ok. not confused. not scared. not spiteful or hateful of others. Like I can say what I feel and not fear the repercussions. I just want to feel like me.
I feel so sad. So confused. So blech! I HATE IT!!!! I have no good reason to either. But I do. I feel like I just want to cry. I just want to go away for a while. I just want my life to work itself out like it should. And it hasn't. And it isn't. And it feels like it never will.
I feel this huge disconnect...and it breaks my heart. Am I just floating through life? Have I grown to be content being complacenet? What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just say what I want to say. Do what I want to do. Be who I want to be...without feeling like a traitor or imposter to myself? Every time I feel like I am catching a break, it's like I wake up from a dream and nothing has changed...everything was all in my head.
I'm tired of being unhappy. But I don't know how to change that. I don't know what it is (exactly) that is making it so. I have my guesses, but none seem to be right. And even if they are, there doesn't seem to be a way to fix or change them.
Christ, it's like I'm talking myself in circles. Everyone's all "you know what you want, go get it" HA! FUCK THAT! There's a lot I want to do or change but it's not that easy. And whoever claims it to be is a freakin liar.
I just want to feel: truly happy. loved. accepted. special. right. not wrong. like everythign is/will be ok. not confused. not scared. not spiteful or hateful of others. Like I can say what I feel and not fear the repercussions. I just want to feel like me.
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 12:19 PM
2 Comments:
You're unhappy because you don't like yourself, you believe everything you feel is worthless, and it's impossible for you to live in the moment. Look around you.. things are probably pretty good at this instant.
Face on me.
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