I just don't know

My mind has never gone from 0mph to 80mph back down to 0mph in a matter of a millisecond...until today. And I have no clue what that means.

I've never been so confused and upset, yet so calm and reserved as I am right now. I'm my own oxymoron. I'm my own juxtaposition of emotion. I have never felt so strongly, yet felt so weak!!!

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!??

I feel like I'm stuck in some horrible dream that I'm on the verge of waking from. It almost feels like I am just about to take a deep breath of air, but it's that split-second before where your lungs are just anticipating it. I don't know how to explain it. It's a swirling, raging river of thought that I just can't escape, but I'm not scared. (Which is extremely not normal.) I almost feel at peace...ALMOST being the operative word.