Mind reader?!?!

OMG. Is he reading my mind? So all I could think about this weekened was how passionate he is over this whole workout/BB/coach thing (and how I wish he was that passionate about me/us). And then he comes into the living room and verbally says "you are my number one, never forget that." WTF?!?!? I mean, really?

And I told him that I haven't felt special in months. ANd he apologized and thanked me for being at his back 150% in this endeavor. The only problem I see now is, he recognized that I have been shoved to the back for softball and this...but will he actually change? Will I always be the one who is always there for him? And therefore he can live life however he wants to without fear of losing me? Hopefully not, because that is FAR from the truth.

I'm not blaming him, but I changed for him. I stopped dying my hair black, painting my nails black, wearing black 24/7, but that wasn't just for me. It was because I knew how much he liked it when I wore colors. But that wasn't me. But for 4 years, I made it me. And now i'm starting to get fed up with it. Because I have been a traitor to myself and that is horrible.

So I'm back on the path of being me. I can't be afraid to speak my mind about us or ask questions about us, because that's no way to live the rest of my life. And if I have to fear asking questions because I worry about the reaction or the answer, then I need a swift reality check to the brain because that is NO WAY to spend the rest of my life. I know it won't be easy, but it's something that has to be done.