Chalk another one up to life
So another "situation" has arisen where part of me feels bad for getting upset while the other part feels I have EVERY RIGHT to be upset. However, even though I am kinda pissed/sad, I really don't even feel like bringing it up or arguing about it, because there is no point. It's just another thing that will get "rationalized" out and I won't feel any better because of it, I'll just feel worse and like I'm being the heavy or the parent or the "selfish" one when in reality, I'm not.
Ok, so here I go...He bought a new computer with 2 big-ass screens. I know he's been saying his computer is old and not working the way he wants to, so it was time to upgrade. What's the big deal you may ask? Well, the big deal is this is just one more monthly payment he has to make. What's the big deal with that you may ask? Well the big deal with that is that one more monthly payment means less money can go towards an already high-ass bill that could be getting paid off quicker.
Maybe I am being selfish, because the first thing I thought of when I heard what he spent/bought was that that money could have been used to go towards something for me (or for us). And yes, it sounds SO freaking greedy and selfish on my part, but it's true!! Why can't he go out and buy me a new pair of earrings or a new watch because the band on mine is torn? Why can't he buy me flowers every week just because?? And the issue with bringing anything up comes down to the fact that he needs the computer "for the long run." For what he's trying to do for BB. It's an investment that will totally pay off...I can totally see that's how it'd play out.
It's funny because I'm kinda over it already. (Kind of) I almost feel weird for even writing about it--but it's something that got to me. It wouldn't be an issue if he had everything paid down and didn't owe money to me or anyone else, but that's not the case!
So the question is, do I really have a right to be upset? Or is it worse that I just don't care and have kind of given up on the whole him putting me first issue?? BLECH!
Ok, so here I go...He bought a new computer with 2 big-ass screens. I know he's been saying his computer is old and not working the way he wants to, so it was time to upgrade. What's the big deal you may ask? Well, the big deal is this is just one more monthly payment he has to make. What's the big deal with that you may ask? Well the big deal with that is that one more monthly payment means less money can go towards an already high-ass bill that could be getting paid off quicker.
Maybe I am being selfish, because the first thing I thought of when I heard what he spent/bought was that that money could have been used to go towards something for me (or for us). And yes, it sounds SO freaking greedy and selfish on my part, but it's true!! Why can't he go out and buy me a new pair of earrings or a new watch because the band on mine is torn? Why can't he buy me flowers every week just because?? And the issue with bringing anything up comes down to the fact that he needs the computer "for the long run." For what he's trying to do for BB. It's an investment that will totally pay off...I can totally see that's how it'd play out.
It's funny because I'm kinda over it already. (Kind of) I almost feel weird for even writing about it--but it's something that got to me. It wouldn't be an issue if he had everything paid down and didn't owe money to me or anyone else, but that's not the case!
So the question is, do I really have a right to be upset? Or is it worse that I just don't care and have kind of given up on the whole him putting me first issue?? BLECH!
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 11:59 AM
2 Comments:
Measuring the value of a relationship based on what he buys you is probably a destructive path you don't want to go down.
Ok--that's not how I meant that to be interpreted whatsoever. A follow-up post is soon to come.
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