I've Been Thinking About You...

I dreamed about you last night. Is that ok? After so long? After so much has changed in life? I can't help but fear why now. Why now? What is about my life right now that is making me dream of you--when I haven't in so long? I miss you. I miss the good ole days. I miss the fun times. I miss it all. But why now? Why after so long are all these memories flooding? What good can they actually bring me!? Yes, they make me smile, but then they make me bleed in side. Like paper cuts to my heart and mind.

You looked good--exactly how I remember you to look. You felt the same too. Smelled the same. Sounded the same. Hugged the same. Everything the same. But nothing is the same. So many things have changed.

It hurts looking at pictures. It hurts remembering. It hurts knowing how many things were left unsaid...and while they could be said now, nothing would/can change. Nothing at all. It's almost like life's having a good ole laugh in my favor. Not cool!

And I can't help but wonder... Is it possible that you still think of me? Can you? Do you?

I'm so confused. So scared. So upset. I wish I could tell someone everything and that they could give me an answer as to why. Why, Why, WHY?!? But no one can. Everyone can offer an opinion, but no one can give me the answer I need. Stuck in a mental world of limbo and there is NO escape in sight. Like I said before, it's like I've been sucked into a vortex of darkness that I cannot escape.