Just had to bitch

So what are you supposed to do when you realize you are alone in a shadow?

Yesterday was my Grandpa Joe's birthday so I went to visit his and grandma's grave. It was there that I just totally lost it! I sat down (like I usually do) and started talking to them (like I usually do) and I just let it all out. I talk to them every night (along with "Daddy" Bill) but being at their place of eternal rest just made me feel like they were closer to me then when I am just laying in bed, talking to them in my head. I miss them [all] so much, it hurts.

I guess it all boils down to this wretched feeling that I have no one to talk to. I KNOW I have my mom, dad and a few select friends, but it seems that at this point in time, I can't burden them with my trivial babbling and rants! Mom's worried about grandpa and grandma. Dad's worried about mom. I can't talk to the friends I have about some stuff because they don't understand, they have never been there. So what am I to do? I haven't seen my best female friend in 8 months, I don't even know if she considers me a friend anymore. It seems that all I have now is my journal and my blog.

I guess I am just in the "oh woe is me" phase again. I shouldn't be, but it just feels like I'm crashing again for no reason. I'm such a hypocrite in the sense that I tell people not to bottle things up, but then I go ahead and do it, and this is where it gets me. I think I have just held stuff in a little too long and it has finally taken its toll on me. Guess I will just have to keep writing and try to get it out that way, because aside from that, I don't know what other choices I have. :-P