How much are the memories worth?
So I guess I got my final bit of closure today...Well, that's what I'm trying to tell myself. I was messing around on eBay and decided too see what a certain someone had been selling lately. Why? I really don't know. I never even thought of looking his eBay transactions up, until today. I just had a really strange feeling, and there was something pulling me to look into it. Oh yeah, there was something there all right, but I wasn't prepared for what that something was.
I saw my engagement ring online. Worth a whoppin $495. MY ring! MY beautiful, gorgeous, spectacular ring! My memories and happy thoughts, sold to the highest bidder. It shocked me. It hit me like a kick in the gut. When I saw the comment about a "beautiful ring" that was purchased, I got so dizzy. My heart started pounding, and I felt like I was going to faint. The item seemed to take an eternity to load, and when the picture popped up on the screen, I totally lost it.
I thought I was doing so good with accepting how everything was going. I still had my nights where I would cry myself to sleep. I still had my days that felt empty and all around blah. I even had my dreams where everything was the way it once was, and for a brief second, when I woke up, I felt a surge of happiness. Smells still bring back memories. Sounds still pull up thoughts. When I'm out and about, when I don't have time to think or remember, I do just fine. When I do have that down time, though, that's when it all seems to go to hell.
Oh well, what can I do? In a way, this should seal the deal. Even though there are still people and friends that when I talk to them, say they're always hoping and praying for us. It makes it a little bit harder to move on completely. I know that I truly loved him, but I also know that he never truly loved me. If he did, I wouldn't be blogging this right now. And though I may be slightly bitter and hurt, I will always love him. I couldn't expect him to keep the ring forever, but I guess deep down I was hoping to get it back. Maybe even get him back...someday.
I saw my engagement ring online. Worth a whoppin $495. MY ring! MY beautiful, gorgeous, spectacular ring! My memories and happy thoughts, sold to the highest bidder. It shocked me. It hit me like a kick in the gut. When I saw the comment about a "beautiful ring" that was purchased, I got so dizzy. My heart started pounding, and I felt like I was going to faint. The item seemed to take an eternity to load, and when the picture popped up on the screen, I totally lost it.
I thought I was doing so good with accepting how everything was going. I still had my nights where I would cry myself to sleep. I still had my days that felt empty and all around blah. I even had my dreams where everything was the way it once was, and for a brief second, when I woke up, I felt a surge of happiness. Smells still bring back memories. Sounds still pull up thoughts. When I'm out and about, when I don't have time to think or remember, I do just fine. When I do have that down time, though, that's when it all seems to go to hell.
Oh well, what can I do? In a way, this should seal the deal. Even though there are still people and friends that when I talk to them, say they're always hoping and praying for us. It makes it a little bit harder to move on completely. I know that I truly loved him, but I also know that he never truly loved me. If he did, I wouldn't be blogging this right now. And though I may be slightly bitter and hurt, I will always love him. I couldn't expect him to keep the ring forever, but I guess deep down I was hoping to get it back. Maybe even get him back...someday.
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 6:32 PM
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