One of those nights

And so it is, I cannot remember how to forget you. It's like an evil curse that I have put on myself. Everything that is, seems like it isn't. I want to swallow myself and choke. I cannot explain this feeling, but it is there and there is nothing that I can do to stop it. But why? Why must I torture myself and feel this agony, when there are ways to end it??? But what if the paths I choose aren't the paths I am meant to take? Then what?? Do I wade through mindless, self-doubt and wonder the what if's? Or do I move past that and wonder what could be? I just don't know. I don't know why I write this. I don't know why I open myself to anyone who reads this. I guess I just want to say what I feel, without worries of repercussion and without the fear of what anyone will say. No one responds to such writings, but that's what makes it so much easier to write. HA-HA! I dunno what else to say now. So I guess this is it.