Breakdown...I knew it was coming.

This is going to sound terrible. But I have to say it. I'm trying so hard. I'm trying to so hard to find that perfect someone. I'm trying to find that Mr. Right to start the family I always wanted with, not just for me, but because I know my dad wants it so bad. He wants me to be happy. He wants someone to be able to take care of me. And I want that too. Everyone wants that for me. But I don't think everyone realizes the pressure it puts on me and the feeling of failure I get knowing that I'm 30. Have been through 2 LONG TERM relationships and a shit ton of short-terms...and I have NOTHING to show for it. NOTHING!!

I know when I'm least expecting, "it" will happen. But it's so hard to try and stay oblivious to life when EVERYONE and their uncle keeps asking "why are you single?" Ummm, yea, I ask myself that same damn question everyday, thank you. Or when they say, "It's ok to take your time," or, "My kids married later in life too." I'M NOT THAT OLD!!! But people are making me feel like I'm over the hill. Like I'm past my prime. It's ridiculous!!!

I don't know what more I can do. I've tried meeting people. I've tried the online thing. I don't know where the hell to meet people!? I'm used to dating people I work with! It was so much easier then, but the company I'm with is small! I don't have that option anymore. So I have no clue WHAT to do!!!. *sigh*

Seriously, I feel like karma and life is having a good laugh at me right now. Maybe it's the truth. Maybe it's not. But whatever. It sure doesn't feel good.