This is not happening...right?

I've never been so scared in my entire life. This CANNOT be happening. It just simply can't!!!!

I've never felt such fear in my life. I would do anything in the world, ANYTHING to make this go right. I've been bargaining with God and I'm just scared he's not listening. This isn't about me, not whatsoever, but a part of me can't help but wonder if this is his way of getting back at me? For something I did? Why hurt the source when you can CRUSH THEM by going after the people who mean the most to them??

I know it's ridiculous. I know he's going to be ok. He's strong. He's tough. And he WILL be ok...I just don't know how to be strong. I don't know how to be in this situation. I'm trying, but I am in such a haze. I just want to be there, but I know I need to keep strong and keep my life headed in good directions...

Seriously, this all feels like a dream. It's not real. It's surreal. It's just a bad dream, right?