Another one bites the dust...

My heart hurts. Why must "right" decisions have to lead to such pain?

I was OK last night. I was OK during the conversation. I was OK once I regained composure from the initial breakdown...now I just feel sad and my heart is aching. I know healing takes time. I know if it's meant to be, it will be. I know if you let something go and it comes back, it's meant to be. I know that I HATE BULLSHIT CLICHES MORE THAN ANYTHING WHEN I'M FEELING SAD....but they're so true.

The hardest thing for me right now is I want to see him. I want to still be able to hang out with him or chit chat...but we can't. As much as "we can because we're adults" it would do nothing but deepen the pain and sadness AND make the healing all but impossible. I still plan to give him his birthday present. I still plan to give him a hug when he comes over to get his stuff...It just all around sucks.

I felt so empowered and strong to do it, but of course, now, I start "regretting" or having second thoughts---which I can't. There is nothing to regret. And we both agreed that we wouldn't be bitter or regret anything. I love him...I still do, but there's just way too much going on in his life that he needs to get taken care of first, before we could move forward with our life.

This getting older thing and being all mature is a load of hooey!