And here's what I have to say:
While sitting in a waiting room, I was paging through an old edition of Woman's Day or Redbook or something, and I found an article on "how to be happy in a marriage." The title intrigued me, so I decided to read it. The tips and what was written REALLY hit hard for me....because a lot of what was said is what we're going through right now. Yes I know, we're not married (yet) but sometimes it feels like we have the problems of a married couple. The main points which were a slam dunk, smack me across the face are:
1. You never know how strong your relationship is until you're tested
2. We are a team. We're not teaming up against your mother. We're teaming up together to deal with her issues.
3. Outline together the boundaries between you and all the families connected to you and your family baggage will weigh less.
WOW! I mean, how crazy is it that those are HELLA big things we've been going through?? I made sure to write them down, and relayed them when I got home.
#2 is really the "saving grace" I think. Because that's the BIGGEST point that needs to get across to other parties. It's not that when we plan something together, we mean for anyone to feel hurt or neglected, but we have our own life now. It's your choice if you want to be a part of it. But don't go making anyone feel guilty for wanting to be with the person they love. That's just downright selfish! And something that I (as have already stated) will tolerate no more.
#3 is also a "saving grace," so perhaps I need not even list out which ones are because there are only 3. Oh well. This one is the one that is MUCH harder to do. Polar opposite families make for difficult resolutions, but they need to be made. I already took the steps and came up with a solution so that his mom can't claim he doesn't try hard enough to be with them. I said one weekend a month, plan it, book it, go out there and stay the weekend. They can choose an alternate weekend to come visit us up here at our place--and that's when I'll get to spend time with them. Anything more than that is just ridiculous. I know he'll make the effort to get there every month, I hope they do the same for him.
Communication is the next thing that I feel I am making leaps and bounds with. It's kind of hard to do, but I've been coming out and being forthright with things that I am thinking...instead of holding them in and letting the boil or fester. Even for things as simple as painting! So now I'm laying it all out on the table. In every other relationship, I have been able to speak my mind and explain how I feel. Why should this be any different? I shouldn't feel nervous or embarrassed to talk about things that I'm thinking about. That's just silly!
And that's that. I feel I am being proactive and taking the steps necessary to get us past this pothole and back on the road to our happily ever after.
1. You never know how strong your relationship is until you're tested
2. We are a team. We're not teaming up against your mother. We're teaming up together to deal with her issues.
3. Outline together the boundaries between you and all the families connected to you and your family baggage will weigh less.
WOW! I mean, how crazy is it that those are HELLA big things we've been going through?? I made sure to write them down, and relayed them when I got home.
#2 is really the "saving grace" I think. Because that's the BIGGEST point that needs to get across to other parties. It's not that when we plan something together, we mean for anyone to feel hurt or neglected, but we have our own life now. It's your choice if you want to be a part of it. But don't go making anyone feel guilty for wanting to be with the person they love. That's just downright selfish! And something that I (as have already stated) will tolerate no more.
#3 is also a "saving grace," so perhaps I need not even list out which ones are because there are only 3. Oh well. This one is the one that is MUCH harder to do. Polar opposite families make for difficult resolutions, but they need to be made. I already took the steps and came up with a solution so that his mom can't claim he doesn't try hard enough to be with them. I said one weekend a month, plan it, book it, go out there and stay the weekend. They can choose an alternate weekend to come visit us up here at our place--and that's when I'll get to spend time with them. Anything more than that is just ridiculous. I know he'll make the effort to get there every month, I hope they do the same for him.
Communication is the next thing that I feel I am making leaps and bounds with. It's kind of hard to do, but I've been coming out and being forthright with things that I am thinking...instead of holding them in and letting the boil or fester. Even for things as simple as painting! So now I'm laying it all out on the table. In every other relationship, I have been able to speak my mind and explain how I feel. Why should this be any different? I shouldn't feel nervous or embarrassed to talk about things that I'm thinking about. That's just silly!
And that's that. I feel I am being proactive and taking the steps necessary to get us past this pothole and back on the road to our happily ever after.
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 1:53 PM
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