How much more can I take? Part III
How much is too much? I don't think I know anymore. Do I know the answer and am just unwilling to face it? Do I know what I have to do or should do, but some kind of fear is holding me back? I don't know. And that scares me.
I can't handle being shoved to the back burner anymore. I don't think he realizes how much this really impacts everything that is to become our lives. If this is the way it's going to be forever, we're never going to make it. And that scares me. I don't want to set us up for failure, but by "giving in" is that what I'm doing?
I deserve more than to be treated like a second-hand citizen. I deserve more than to be the one who ALWAYS has to be the understanding and accepting party. I deserve more than to be the one who cries themselves to sleep (on the inside) a lot more than anyone knows. But what am I supposed to do when my heart is in the way? When my heart is telling me that being together is right, and this, like many other obstacles is just set up to test our strength and love for each other???
It's also hard knowing what a fool I look like. It used to be that I just looked like the caring and understanding one...now it looks like I'm the one who won't take a stand...Blech.
Love isn't supposed to hurt this much. Families aren't supposed to drive couples apart. Love is supposed to be the most beautiful thing in the world...then why does it bring such pain?? I don't know. And the sad and pathetic thing, this only happens during the holidays. When families should want everyone to be together--everyone meaning family and their significant others...married or not. Again, I just don't understand, and I don't think I ever will.
I can't handle being shoved to the back burner anymore. I don't think he realizes how much this really impacts everything that is to become our lives. If this is the way it's going to be forever, we're never going to make it. And that scares me. I don't want to set us up for failure, but by "giving in" is that what I'm doing?
I deserve more than to be treated like a second-hand citizen. I deserve more than to be the one who ALWAYS has to be the understanding and accepting party. I deserve more than to be the one who cries themselves to sleep (on the inside) a lot more than anyone knows. But what am I supposed to do when my heart is in the way? When my heart is telling me that being together is right, and this, like many other obstacles is just set up to test our strength and love for each other???
It's also hard knowing what a fool I look like. It used to be that I just looked like the caring and understanding one...now it looks like I'm the one who won't take a stand...Blech.
Love isn't supposed to hurt this much. Families aren't supposed to drive couples apart. Love is supposed to be the most beautiful thing in the world...then why does it bring such pain?? I don't know. And the sad and pathetic thing, this only happens during the holidays. When families should want everyone to be together--everyone meaning family and their significant others...married or not. Again, I just don't understand, and I don't think I ever will.
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 12:05 PM
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