Feelings as of late....
Man-o-man, what a freakin mercury retrograde this month! Can we say emotionally unhinged? Oh yes. EMOTIONALLY UNHINGED. I hope it goes away post-haste, because I am really not in the mood to deal with how I've been feeling lately. It sucks.
I hate doubt. I hate not being 100% sure of anything. I can't even make up my freakin' mind when it comes to deciding if I want to drink water or milk with dinner! Aye aye aye. I do feel a slight but more in control today than I was this weekend though, so that is a very good thing.
One thing that has been bothering me, and I don't mean to sound materialistic or needy, but every-so-often I just want to get a "just because" gift. A special little something. Be it the shirt I saw at Target that I said I liked or just a card that says "thinking about you," and I don't want to have to ask for it. It always seems like I have to bring this kind of stuff up, and then it's only being done because I requested it. I want it to happen because he wants to do it, not because I had to ask--is that bad? Or wrong?
Sometimes being the "always think about other people first" kind of person wears me down. Sometimes I just want to be selfish and think only of myself (or at least try to). But that never lasts more than a minute nor does it work. Because I start feeling guilty and then get mad at myself for it! Yeargh. I just want to feel like gold, ya know? And I do sometimes...but I want to feel that way all the time...
I hate doubt. I hate not being 100% sure of anything. I can't even make up my freakin' mind when it comes to deciding if I want to drink water or milk with dinner! Aye aye aye. I do feel a slight but more in control today than I was this weekend though, so that is a very good thing.
One thing that has been bothering me, and I don't mean to sound materialistic or needy, but every-so-often I just want to get a "just because" gift. A special little something. Be it the shirt I saw at Target that I said I liked or just a card that says "thinking about you," and I don't want to have to ask for it. It always seems like I have to bring this kind of stuff up, and then it's only being done because I requested it. I want it to happen because he wants to do it, not because I had to ask--is that bad? Or wrong?
Sometimes being the "always think about other people first" kind of person wears me down. Sometimes I just want to be selfish and think only of myself (or at least try to). But that never lasts more than a minute nor does it work. Because I start feeling guilty and then get mad at myself for it! Yeargh. I just want to feel like gold, ya know? And I do sometimes...but I want to feel that way all the time...
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 9:16 PM
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