Ummm, paranoid much?

I'm not gonna lie...I really think that the "situation" (which occurred years ago) seriously has me fucked up. Not fucked up crazy, but fucked up like I don't know how to handle myself anymore. I don't understand myself anymore. It's like the piece of me that made me ME was killed off or locked away or something. I'm still outspoken, but I no longer have that strong-willed, care-free, comfortable-in-my-0wn-skin attitude anymore.

I'm always second-guessing. I'm always worrying. I'm always wondering what other people are thinking. I'm always nervous that what I say/will say will upset someone and if it does, then what. I get upset and can't seem to shake the feeling.

I used to play out scenarios in my head, but now those "play outs" seem to rule my life. I have no idea what to do. And even when I talk about what's on my mind, I regret it because I feel like no one understands and that when I actually talk about what's going on with me, they'll think less of me (even the people that care about me). And then I start feeling worse wondering if they tell anyone else and if those opinions will alter how that person feels about me...

It's very upsetting feeling like this. It's a horrible feeling when it seems like it'd be better to just self-depreciate and keep it all inside, because you don't want to bring others down or make them wonder about you. I always said I was trapped in my mind...I guess that's no lie, huh?