Nostalgic Abyss
I'm stuck in this crazy nostalgic rut right now, and I can't seem to escape. Every time I feel like I'm making progress, a song comes on the radio or someone says something that triggers a memory and I go tumbling back into the abyss of past thoughts.
Remembering or reflecting isn't the problem, it's the sting of knowing that those days are far gone and will never be back. Yes, that was a "duh" statement, but it hits hard. I mean, why did I not realize then that I should enjoy EVERY moment instead of rushing to see what's behind the next door or what's in the next chapter? Looking back, all I have is the thought/memory of it...I can't unlock the door that closed behind me. I can never re-read a chapter, just reflect on what I remember about it.
Nostalgia isn't all bad, it gives my mind something to mull over while I'm trying to fall asleep (or any time I have a free moment to just let my mind roam). Most of the things I think about I can't help but smile and think "wow, that was really awesome." Albeit some things make me sad or a little upset, but then I just think that those things are long gone and in the past, they can't hurt me anymore.
If I could do it all over again, I totally would. I wouldn't change a damn thing, but hopefully I'd have the common sense to enjoy the second-chance and take life with a grain of salt instead of over-dramatizing it. And that makes me wonder too...What if in a parallel universe, I am reliving that life, and my memories are flooding back and making me nostalgic because my subconscious is actually going through it all again? And when certain memories pop up, that's just me with my second-chance??? It's so crazy, it might be true...I may never know, but regardless, remembering may be my way of enjoying the moment and taking that part of life with a grain of salt...even if it is just a few years too late.
Remembering or reflecting isn't the problem, it's the sting of knowing that those days are far gone and will never be back. Yes, that was a "duh" statement, but it hits hard. I mean, why did I not realize then that I should enjoy EVERY moment instead of rushing to see what's behind the next door or what's in the next chapter? Looking back, all I have is the thought/memory of it...I can't unlock the door that closed behind me. I can never re-read a chapter, just reflect on what I remember about it.
Nostalgia isn't all bad, it gives my mind something to mull over while I'm trying to fall asleep (or any time I have a free moment to just let my mind roam). Most of the things I think about I can't help but smile and think "wow, that was really awesome." Albeit some things make me sad or a little upset, but then I just think that those things are long gone and in the past, they can't hurt me anymore.
If I could do it all over again, I totally would. I wouldn't change a damn thing, but hopefully I'd have the common sense to enjoy the second-chance and take life with a grain of salt instead of over-dramatizing it. And that makes me wonder too...What if in a parallel universe, I am reliving that life, and my memories are flooding back and making me nostalgic because my subconscious is actually going through it all again? And when certain memories pop up, that's just me with my second-chance??? It's so crazy, it might be true...I may never know, but regardless, remembering may be my way of enjoying the moment and taking that part of life with a grain of salt...even if it is just a few years too late.
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 9:26 AM
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