Can we say rough patch week?

Hit another rough patch in the healing process...and that is the emotional aspect of it. I feel like he's being so much stronger than I am, and it's driving me nuts. Because I am trying so hard! And not to say that he should hold on or be holding on...I feel like it, "we," whatever, is just so far removed from his mind...It kinda hurts.

I don't know what I want. I see his inspirational quotes and I want to have them or believe them...but it's so hard for me. It's like it's not in my nature to fall into the "it'll get better" bullshit. I certainly don't want to sound like I'm trying to say he should suffer like I suffer (because that is WAY over-dramatic and I "suffer" is way too heavy of a word) but it'd be nice to know that the break still effects him...that it still stings a little. I feel like he is just so over it...and here I am, every time someone figures it out it feels like it's happening all over again.

*Sigh* I know it will get easier. I know I'm still adjusting to being...dare I say it, single. The word just feels so strange rolling off my tongue. But it will get better. I sometimes sabotage my healing by looking at old pictures...picture where you could see how happy we were together. But then I look at more recent pictures, and the glow and sparkle is gone...we just look like friends.

But on a happier note...I do feel so truly blessed that we are able to maintain that friendship. 4+ years would have been too much to lose had things ended poorly. I like knowing I still have a friend in him, and hope he knows he always will have the same with me.