Bittersweet...

Well. It is official. He's moving out this weekend. I'll be camping...which is good and bad. More good than bad. I won't be there to get emotional...he'll be able to do his thing without seeing me and getting emotional. It's just so scary to think/realize I'm going to come home to an empty house...I'm going to be alone.

Last night when I was falling asleep, I was listening to his heart beat (like I always do/did), but this time it sounded clearer. It was so strange. And for a split second I thought to myself "OMG, this could be the last time the steady beat lulls you to sleep." I didn't know then, but how right I was.

It was so hard this morning. I thought he left for work without saying goodbye...because I heard the garage go up and the screen door slam. Being over-dramatic me, I threw my water cup in the sink and was ready to storm into the bathroom to get ready for work...then I heard the door open, and he said he wouldn't be there when I got back.

I know this is for the best. I get it. But it's not easy to handle. I don't know how to live without him. I don't mean I'm incapable of functioning, but I don't know how to live without hearing his voice before bed, having a chest to rest my head on as I fall asleep, having my hunny there for me...Yes, he'll always be there for me, and me for him...but you know what I mean.

This is just all so surreal. It's hard to believe and accept. But again, it's for the best. I told him this morning that this wasn't supposed to happen, and he agreed...but it did. Better friends than lovers I guess? Ha! I never thought I'd utter that phrase.

Such a bittersweet, symphony this life...