Day 1 of the new life...

Here we go. Day 1 of the whole new life. It's kinda strange yet exhilerating. Scary but exciting. I seesaw between the emotions. I downright broke down and bawled for a little while, then I got tough and said ENOUGH!

But it's so much easier said than done to be strong. I mean there was a big ass thunderstorm earlier, and I laughed to myself, because when it storms at night and the thunder or lightning startles me awake...I used to curl up next to him and he'd sooth me and calm me down...no one's here to do that now...

I got home from camping and mowed the lawn all by myself. First time ever. Of course I lost the damn lawnmower key the 2nd time I emptied the bag...but I made it with the pull start. I feel very proud of myself. I came in, showered and hung with my bff for a while. After he left, I took to cleaning all the stuff on the floor of my room...organized a bit...broke down...regrouped...and finished up. I feel much accomplished now.

But I still feel kind of off. Like nothing feels real yet. Maybe it'll hit when I sleep in the spare bedroom tonight? I really need to get a new bedroom set STAT. There's actually a zillion things I "need" STAT....but we shall see. I need to get finances in order first. Might be refinancing the mortgage...we shall see.

But yea. So this is my life. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared. I don't know what of. Perhaps going it alone? The finance thing I know I can handle...but it's the whole not sharing my life with someone that gets me. No one to snuggle up to at night. No one to hug and kiss. No one to tell me I'm beautiful and they love me (but in more than the platonic way).

One day at a time though. Just got to take it one day at a time.