Screaming on the inside

I'm so tired of being confused. I'm so tired of feeling vendictive. I'm so tired of feeling as indecisive as I do. I don't understand what is going on with me, and therefore, I can't fix me!!!

I want to be happy. I really do. I wish I could stop caring as much as I do. To stop worrying as much as I do. To stop wondering as much as I do. But I CAN'T!! I don't know if I need to find a counselor or what. I just feel so lost.

It's like I'm screaming inside my head, and all I can hear is the echo of it. I get dizzy from all the thoughts and ideas that whirl around in my head, so much that I start feeling sick. I can see pain and sadness in my eyes, but I don't know what I can do/what can be done to make it go away.

I feel like I'm mentally beating myself to a bloody-pulp, but I'm not gaining anything from it.

Life shouldn't be this difficult or confusing...