I Figured Me Out!
It just dawned on me...I just figured out what my issue is...ok here goes...
For some reason I feel that if I don't get my "life" going within 2 years, I will lose it all together. I don't mean to sound stupid paranoid or insane, but for some reason there is something that is pushing me to hurry myself along.
It's kinda scary...seeing as how I have to go see yet another doctor in 2 weeks to check something out. It's like, what if she finds something uncurable? What if I have a lifespan much shorter than I would like? What it? Just what if?!?!?!
So I am really hoping that the reason behind this mindset is because I had conditioned myself to believe that I would be married and have kids by the time I was 30...I mean, looking at everyone else (everyone as in friends, family, celebrities) there is NOTHING wrong with not being married by 30. So again, I just mega hope that my reasons for wanting/pushing are just due to preconditioned notions...not to something more upsetting and dire...like my body or mind knowing that if I don't hurry this along, I will lose my chance all together.
God, I feel like I sound so freaking scared and paranoid. I'm almost embarrased to publish this post...but I want to. Regardless of how my issue turns out, this post will either serve to make me chuckle at what a noid I'm being or make me chuckle that I didn't trust in my gut...I do hope it's the former...hehehe.
But yea. I feel better knowing I have figured myself out in that respect...but now that I have, what do I do? I mean, where do I go from here? Fully realizing and knowing what the deal is??? Am I being unreasonable to want to settle down? Should I be getting back out there and going to school, hosting parties for friends and families, starting a baking business, working at publishing my book...Ohh such insanity.
It's weird to say but it's almost like I feel I have a whole new lease on life...I'm just not sure how to put it to the best use.
For some reason I feel that if I don't get my "life" going within 2 years, I will lose it all together. I don't mean to sound stupid paranoid or insane, but for some reason there is something that is pushing me to hurry myself along.
It's kinda scary...seeing as how I have to go see yet another doctor in 2 weeks to check something out. It's like, what if she finds something uncurable? What if I have a lifespan much shorter than I would like? What it? Just what if?!?!?!
So I am really hoping that the reason behind this mindset is because I had conditioned myself to believe that I would be married and have kids by the time I was 30...I mean, looking at everyone else (everyone as in friends, family, celebrities) there is NOTHING wrong with not being married by 30. So again, I just mega hope that my reasons for wanting/pushing are just due to preconditioned notions...not to something more upsetting and dire...like my body or mind knowing that if I don't hurry this along, I will lose my chance all together.
God, I feel like I sound so freaking scared and paranoid. I'm almost embarrased to publish this post...but I want to. Regardless of how my issue turns out, this post will either serve to make me chuckle at what a noid I'm being or make me chuckle that I didn't trust in my gut...I do hope it's the former...hehehe.
But yea. I feel better knowing I have figured myself out in that respect...but now that I have, what do I do? I mean, where do I go from here? Fully realizing and knowing what the deal is??? Am I being unreasonable to want to settle down? Should I be getting back out there and going to school, hosting parties for friends and families, starting a baking business, working at publishing my book...Ohh such insanity.
It's weird to say but it's almost like I feel I have a whole new lease on life...I'm just not sure how to put it to the best use.
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 6:31 PM
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