Thanksgiving...Really?

I was strong until tonight. I was strong until I saw other people's Thanksgiving dinners, seeing happy couples TOGETHER. Watching them celebrate TOGETHER...And it's truly, finally sinking in that we won't be spending MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY (next to Halloween) together. We were supposed to. He promised me we would, and then of course "something" (aka his family) comes up and WHAM, no longer will we be spending that holiday together...It's BS!

I'm trying to be kind. I'm trying to deal as best I can...But I seriously feel like I'm about to break. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to vent. I just want him to ACTUALLY SEE what this is doing to me/us!!!! Yes, they say that when you love someone, their happiness is what should matter most. And I do want him to be happy, but does it always mean he gets to be happy at my expense? I have to be miserable and left behind so he can make his family happy? No, it doesn't work like that.

I don't like this blog post. I feel like I am just spouting out words that are amounting to a whole pile of nothing. But I feel the inner rage brewing. I can't keep going on like this. I can't do this every freakin holiday. I can't do this every freaking time something comes up with his family!!! And I don't mean to sound like it's only with his family but it is!!!

If I'm always going to be a "2nd class citizen" in their eyes...and he's not going to defend me/us...what kind of relationship is that??

And then I look him in the eyes, and he gives me that smile...and my heart melts. And then I'm back to being confused.