New Outlook
Ok, so I'm trying to make a go at a new and improved outlook on life. I had a horoscope that hit pretty spookily that said something to the effect of "not putting everything into a schedule format" and "just go with the flow" so that is what I am trying to do. I know I like to have a good handle on what's going on and when, but it's just because when I don't, it feels like everything just goes all crazy. The weekend that I have NADA to do is the weekend that EVERYONE wants to do something different. It's just insane.
And I know I drive people crazy by constantly trying to get a fix on the events of a week, but it's just because I don't really have that much stuff going. I don't have a stable Monday night is this night, Wednesday night I do this...My weeknights are all up in the air depending, ya know?
I'm also trying to not internalize so much and speak out when I have an issue. Yes, I've been preaching that one for a while, but I really need to. I get so upset at the fact that what I say may bother someone I love, that I just don't say it at all...and then it boils and brews inside me and then WHAM, it just erupts. I'm hoping it doesn't get to that point, but it might. Another thing is, I don't like getting answers I don't like (no, I'm not spoiled like that, I just know how hard I take everything so when I'm faced with a situation where I think the answer I get for asking a question may not be the one I hope for, I don't ask it--which indeed is stupid, but...I can't help it).
One of my friends teases me because she wants to know where the bull-headed, head-strong, out-spoken girl she used to know went. It's hard to explain. Maybe all the life experiences I went through changed that girl into someone who watches was she says because she doesn't want to even chance hurting someone...Yeargh. I dunna.
In time I guess, right? One day at a time I gotta take these changes, and see where I can go from there. There are a few things that I'm gonna have to talk about, because it always seems that after something is said, LONG AFTER, you figure out how you really wanted to respond. Something came up last week, and I just got shell-shocked and didn't say what I thought. I think I need to.
Anywho, I guess that's that. Time to go mull over other stuff and see how I can un-internalize it ;-)
And I know I drive people crazy by constantly trying to get a fix on the events of a week, but it's just because I don't really have that much stuff going. I don't have a stable Monday night is this night, Wednesday night I do this...My weeknights are all up in the air depending, ya know?
I'm also trying to not internalize so much and speak out when I have an issue. Yes, I've been preaching that one for a while, but I really need to. I get so upset at the fact that what I say may bother someone I love, that I just don't say it at all...and then it boils and brews inside me and then WHAM, it just erupts. I'm hoping it doesn't get to that point, but it might. Another thing is, I don't like getting answers I don't like (no, I'm not spoiled like that, I just know how hard I take everything so when I'm faced with a situation where I think the answer I get for asking a question may not be the one I hope for, I don't ask it--which indeed is stupid, but...I can't help it).
One of my friends teases me because she wants to know where the bull-headed, head-strong, out-spoken girl she used to know went. It's hard to explain. Maybe all the life experiences I went through changed that girl into someone who watches was she says because she doesn't want to even chance hurting someone...Yeargh. I dunna.
In time I guess, right? One day at a time I gotta take these changes, and see where I can go from there. There are a few things that I'm gonna have to talk about, because it always seems that after something is said, LONG AFTER, you figure out how you really wanted to respond. Something came up last week, and I just got shell-shocked and didn't say what I thought. I think I need to.
Anywho, I guess that's that. Time to go mull over other stuff and see how I can un-internalize it ;-)
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 10:06 PM
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