Christmas 2005
Christmas has come and gone again this year. The family came over. The kids ran around like wild children. The hours worth of wrapping was undone with a frenzy of hands, in mere seconds. Memories flooded back like the Hoover Dam gave way...And I am left here pondering...Why?
My mom and I conversed about the holidays, and how I used to look forward to them and not so much anymore..But the question she posed to me was "why?". I mean, what is it that shut me down from the whole joyous feeling? Yes, family was always an issue around the holidays, but when's it not? It's family!!! But I guess her greatest argument was that I had a lot more good times rather than bad times, so why let it get me down this much? I wish I had an answer, not only for her, but for myself as well.
It's hard to think back and realize that I met Bill, my other "daddy" 4 years ago today. It hurts to think back that 4 years ago I felt my life was headed in a completely blissful direction...And we get to now and it's nowhere NEAR where I planned it to be...But why let the bad things control how I feel? I wish I knew! I mean, I have my health, a beautiful apartment, a set of friends who have stuck with me through it all, and a job that I LOVE...So why do I let the little things hurt me so much?
God, round and round I go with these blogs. This one has to be the alcohol...That's my main thought process on it and that which caused me to write at all tonight. I guess it all comes down to the end of 2005. This year's end will either make or break my determination towards the goals I'm kinda shaky with, and let me become a stronger person regardless. Merry Grinchmas Y'all!!!
My mom and I conversed about the holidays, and how I used to look forward to them and not so much anymore..But the question she posed to me was "why?". I mean, what is it that shut me down from the whole joyous feeling? Yes, family was always an issue around the holidays, but when's it not? It's family!!! But I guess her greatest argument was that I had a lot more good times rather than bad times, so why let it get me down this much? I wish I had an answer, not only for her, but for myself as well.
It's hard to think back and realize that I met Bill, my other "daddy" 4 years ago today. It hurts to think back that 4 years ago I felt my life was headed in a completely blissful direction...And we get to now and it's nowhere NEAR where I planned it to be...But why let the bad things control how I feel? I wish I knew! I mean, I have my health, a beautiful apartment, a set of friends who have stuck with me through it all, and a job that I LOVE...So why do I let the little things hurt me so much?
God, round and round I go with these blogs. This one has to be the alcohol...That's my main thought process on it and that which caused me to write at all tonight. I guess it all comes down to the end of 2005. This year's end will either make or break my determination towards the goals I'm kinda shaky with, and let me become a stronger person regardless. Merry Grinchmas Y'all!!!
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 9:33 PM
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