Neverending Questions
What if I said I was sorry, and you listened with your heart instead of listening with the thoughts of the past? What if I would have let you hold me just a little longer? What if I would have fought harder, what if you would have fought harder...Would we be where we are today?
I can't say that I don't think of "what if's" on a day to day basis. I can't say that there isn't a day that goes by that you're not on my mind...That not a day goes by that we're not on my mind. I try so hard to fight it, to let it go like I feel you did...But I can't. There's too many possibilities, too many "what if's" preventing me from actually believing that everything was nothing more than a silly lie and facade. It all felt like a dream to me, and when I think of it, I wish I wouldn't have had to wake up. But I did. But you did. And thinking of it in that light, I realize it wasn't a dream, it was a reality. The best thing about a reality, is that you can keep parts of it, where as dreams slowly fade away in time.
Why did I walk out that door? Why didn't you stop me? Why didn't I come home? Why didn't you want me to come home? There's so many questions I fear will never be answered. But maybe more so fear will be answered. So many things I wonder about, and wonder if you wonder about them as well. Do you remember what next week was to hold? Do you even care? Maybe I'm being me too much, and hoping that if all my questions are answered, I will receive the answers I hope for. Maybe I would get answers that I didn't want to hear, and then where would that leave me?
In any case, no one can take away the thoughts and memories I hold so dear to my heart. It's my way of making it in this crazy world. And the one thing I can always rely on, to bring a smile to my face, and warmth to my soul.
I can't say that I don't think of "what if's" on a day to day basis. I can't say that there isn't a day that goes by that you're not on my mind...That not a day goes by that we're not on my mind. I try so hard to fight it, to let it go like I feel you did...But I can't. There's too many possibilities, too many "what if's" preventing me from actually believing that everything was nothing more than a silly lie and facade. It all felt like a dream to me, and when I think of it, I wish I wouldn't have had to wake up. But I did. But you did. And thinking of it in that light, I realize it wasn't a dream, it was a reality. The best thing about a reality, is that you can keep parts of it, where as dreams slowly fade away in time.
Why did I walk out that door? Why didn't you stop me? Why didn't I come home? Why didn't you want me to come home? There's so many questions I fear will never be answered. But maybe more so fear will be answered. So many things I wonder about, and wonder if you wonder about them as well. Do you remember what next week was to hold? Do you even care? Maybe I'm being me too much, and hoping that if all my questions are answered, I will receive the answers I hope for. Maybe I would get answers that I didn't want to hear, and then where would that leave me?
In any case, no one can take away the thoughts and memories I hold so dear to my heart. It's my way of making it in this crazy world. And the one thing I can always rely on, to bring a smile to my face, and warmth to my soul.
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 11:34 PM
5 Comments:
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Hi, I was just blog surfing and found you! If you are interested, go see my office related site. It isnt anything special but you may still find something of interest.
You had better stop asking what if and look at what is its getting old looking at these and your always coming back to the same selfish schemes of drama, your whole life youve been wanting someone to decide for you what you want in life but you know we cant answer that now can we? The world isnt going to solve your problems for you and one of your problems is competence, and it seems you really needed to hear that because this blog is a monotonous droll of your emotional drive turned lazy. Tell your heart to get off its ass and give someone some luvn.
I just felt the need to comment against the previous comment. It doesn't sound to me that you want the world to answer all your problems. I also don't think that your blog is a "monotonous droll of your emotional drive turned lazy". If that's the way one person feels, let it be, but it sounds like blogging is YOUR way to release. No one is forcing them to read it. Also sounds like whomever anonymous was knows you personally and wants to be the one getting your "luvn" and since their not, they're letting their jealousy speak for them. If they read this, I hope they know that if they actually read your blog saga, then they would see how competent and unlazy you have been.
Hey, your right, cause this blog is all about me....
If you want her "luvn" or to give her "luvn" then maybe it is you that must "Tell your heart to get off its ass".
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