Internal Monologue
The day I had been waiting for all my life is nearing, and sadly, it will be just another date on the calendar.
I remember when my thoughts, dreams and wishes had come true. I remember when the future didn't seem as bleak and as unknown as I had once imagined it. I remember when everyday was a baby step forward toward a fairy tale forever and ever...That was then, this is now. Reality has body checked me into a world of new possibilities, new possible endings. But why, I must ask, can't I accept the now and reject the past, so that I could fully move forward into a "new life"?
All I ever wanted was to be happy, and I am trying to convince myself that in this pre-determined life I lead, that is where I am headed. Everything that has happened or will happen is meant to bring me one step closer to achieving that "ultimate happiness" I have always wanted. I just have to be strong and believe in myself enough to know that everything that happens doesn't occur for no reason. There is a reason for everything! (Redundant, yes, but it's meant to show reassurance in such thoughts.)
I can't change the past. I can't change who I am. I can't change the way I feel about the things and people I do. There's a person out there that will always hold a piece of my heart, whether he wants to or not. There's a person out there who will always be considered my best friend, even though she stopped talking to me for no reason. There are people out there who will always be my confidants, though they shunned me and turned their backs on me because they are above the morale of humans and have never made a mistake.
But it's like the book "The 5 People you Meet in Heaven", everyone you come in contact with influences you somehow and vice versa. No matter how small of a meeting, whether you bump into them for a second on the street, or you date them for three years, the impact is always great. I don't resent anyone that has entered or left my life, because it all happened for a reason. Something meant to be understood when the big picture is completed.
This isn't where I expected to be at this stage of my life, but I'm here, and the only way to go is forward.
I remember when my thoughts, dreams and wishes had come true. I remember when the future didn't seem as bleak and as unknown as I had once imagined it. I remember when everyday was a baby step forward toward a fairy tale forever and ever...That was then, this is now. Reality has body checked me into a world of new possibilities, new possible endings. But why, I must ask, can't I accept the now and reject the past, so that I could fully move forward into a "new life"?
All I ever wanted was to be happy, and I am trying to convince myself that in this pre-determined life I lead, that is where I am headed. Everything that has happened or will happen is meant to bring me one step closer to achieving that "ultimate happiness" I have always wanted. I just have to be strong and believe in myself enough to know that everything that happens doesn't occur for no reason. There is a reason for everything! (Redundant, yes, but it's meant to show reassurance in such thoughts.)
I can't change the past. I can't change who I am. I can't change the way I feel about the things and people I do. There's a person out there that will always hold a piece of my heart, whether he wants to or not. There's a person out there who will always be considered my best friend, even though she stopped talking to me for no reason. There are people out there who will always be my confidants, though they shunned me and turned their backs on me because they are above the morale of humans and have never made a mistake.
But it's like the book "The 5 People you Meet in Heaven", everyone you come in contact with influences you somehow and vice versa. No matter how small of a meeting, whether you bump into them for a second on the street, or you date them for three years, the impact is always great. I don't resent anyone that has entered or left my life, because it all happened for a reason. Something meant to be understood when the big picture is completed.
This isn't where I expected to be at this stage of my life, but I'm here, and the only way to go is forward.
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 11:40 AM
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