Another bitch-fest :-P

Let's see, where shall I begin...? I think I am totally losing it! What am I supposed to do when the sight of my own reflection repulses me? When the feeling of being in my own skin makes me want to scream and attempt to break free of my flesh? When any ounce of sanity that I had left has escaped me during the night? Then what am I supposed to do?!

It all comes back to the feeling of being alone. The feeling that there is no one to talk to, no one to confide in. So I write. I write every night. I write every chance I get, but the feeling of closure has worn off. After a while, when I look at the paper, all I see is wasted ink in the shape of letters that are bound together making words and smooshed together making sentences and paragraphs... BLAH! So I pose this again...What the hell am I supposed to do?

There's nothing TERRIBLE happening in my life right now. I mean, there's a couple family issues, but that's about it. But then WHY do I feel like I am losing it like I am?! I can't stand being at my apartment. I can't stand being quiet, yet I get angry when I try to speak. I don't know what's happening. I feel like a walking contradiction! Talking to my two friends last night helped me a lot, but then the morning comes and I am back into a slump. I need drugs or something, because this is not cool.

And I know that in time, it shall pass. I know that if I just take a deep breath and step back from everything, I will be fine. But what happens when taking that step back throws me right off the cliff? Then where will I be? Probably the same place I am now, but in a new location, right? So what's the point? No matter what, I feel like I will be screwed in the end. If that is the case (to put a positive twist on a negative blog) I will have to find a way to enjoy the screwing, because then it won't feel like "whatever" happened was done in vain.