One of those days...

Today is one of those days. One of those days that I am not as strong as I would like to be. Dreams haunt my mind at night and plague me throughout the day. They are like shadows that I cannot escape, and follow at my heel wherever I roam.
I keep hoping that this is just a case of the winter blues. I hope that this is just going to be ONE of those days, not the start of one of those weeks or one of those months. Trying to keep busy to keep my mind off stuff isn't as easy as one would think. It seems like just when I have crested the hill, there is a larger and more trecherous one awaiting me. It's hard not to want to give. It's hard not to want to turn around and wallow in self pity or self loathing. But I keep on trucking, because that's what I have to do.
I think the real issue for me today is that I want my friend back. I want the things I used to have and it hurts that they still aren't around. I know I can't get back the things I never had, but the one thing I was totally sure of and absolutely positive of, seems to be hiding somewhere. But where? Somewhere deep inside the heart? Somewhere lost in a grey mass of confusion? Somewhere being held hostage by apprehensive feelings or fear? I don't know. But I do wish that it could escape and come back to me, just to prove that my beliefs weren't totally wrong for the past couple years.
So I shall end on this note, no matter where my life goes or what path I decide to go down, no matter what direction life takes me, I will always have an open heart and open mind, ready to welcome back a friend, because friendship is the one thing that I cherish the most in life.