And the rain falls down

The years pace has slowed down to that of a clock in reverse. Days seem to last an eternity and I just wish this year to be over. 20 days left and it feels like a lifetime to go.
Happiness seems to be this overwhelming rush of emotions that leaves as quickly as it comes. For some estranged reason, sorrow has been something engulfing my soul for the past couple days. But why? I'm not sad. Life is going as good as ever, but an unknown darkness has entered into my realm of being. It encompasses my mind and has embodied what I hold most dearest to me...My memories.
I flip through the remembrances captured on photo paper, and cannot help but feel distraught. The movies I watch on eyelid screens cause me to awaken with a heavy feeling in my heart. If I tied up all the loose ends, then why do I feel as though I have string flapping in the wind? Why do I feel as though I am still unraveling as fast as ever? It has to be the holidays.
Those special times that I looked forward to each year are now times that I loathe and wish not to have to go through anymore. Paint on that happy face and hide behind the mask, but when it's washed off at night, then what? Where will I be? How will I feel?
Cabin fever has taken over me and I wish not to be here anymore. Here, not being a physical location, but a place I cannot describe. I wish to run away, but not from anything or anyone, and though I wish to be on a sandy beach, I do not want to go anywhere. I just want to go away from the ambiguous "here" and be happy in that Utpoia of thought that seems to be locked away in the "Pandora's Box" that curiosity seems to be pushing me to open.