Mistake of the Night

I made a mistake tonight. A big mistake. I started going through boxes and sorting out things to store away. And in those boxes I found cards, notes and the book I wrote for our 1 year anniversary. I made the mistake of reading that book, and as I did, I cried. I cried until I had no tears left, then continued on.

I keep telling myself that it's better this way. That we are happier this way. But it doesn't ease the pain the way I wish I would. I look back at pictures of how happy we once were. I remember the feelings, the thoughts, the dreams we had...and it's so hard knowing now, that none of those dreams will come true.

I wanted so badly for us to work, so damn badly! Four years is a long time, moons and memories and feelings...It's so hard accepting that all those are now just memories themselves, things of the past.

I try and stop myself from looking through everything, but I can't help it. Some days are easier than others, and I can honestly say, the past week has been harder than I ever dreamed. The house feels so empty...So empty it's almost suffocating. But I keep telling myself...one day at a time. If that's too much to take on, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time.

They say time heals all wounds...It's just the waiting part that gets me...