IT DAWNED ON ME!!!

Holy Shit! I figured it out! I figured out what the big difference is in mentality from then to now! I figured out what it is that "upsets" me so much about the now!!!!!

MYSTERY!!!

Life used to seem so fun because there was an element of mystery surrounding the future. The way things have been going for the past year or two, it's like I have my life planned out (I don't actually...I have no idea what the hell is going on with it). But like 5, 10 years ago, every tomorrow looked like a new beginning!

OMG! I am just tickled that I came to this conclusion! But now what? How do I get back that mystery (aside from by stopping myself from looking down the road and focusing on what is NOW? I'm not quite sure, but holy hell, I feel like I just had the best mental enema of the year!!!!

And it all came to me while listening to Marilyn Manson's "Lest We Forget" CD in the car this morning. And I think it's because whenever I listen to that CD, it triggers memories from the last "crazy-insane" time of my life (which I have been missing lately). I don't necessarily want to go back to the way I was, but I need to get back into that mindset. Because that is when I actually enjoyed-enjoyed life.