In Wine, There is Truth...
The saying goes, "In wine, there is truth." UGH! They ain't just whistling dixie!
Had a rough night last night...liquid courage can be a blessing or a curse and I feel like it was a little bit of both.
Sticking to my resolution (I guess you could say)I opened up about everything that was on my mind. I laid it all out there...every dirty bit. And that is scary. I almost feel regretful about it, because I feel like it shouldn't have come out that way. I may have sounded beligerent and bitchy, but it really just had built up to such a point, I could no longer stand it.
The only way for me to be happy (I know this) is to be able to freely talk about everything. I want to be asked about my hopes, dreams, aspirations. I want to talk about the future not like "what if" but more like "when it." I know I've lost my edge. I know I've lost my confidence. And I am most definitely working to get it back. Unfortunately, the entire "laying it all out there" that happened last night may have hurt someone, and I am sorry about that. But I couldn't contain it any longer.
I don't want to live the rest of my life fearing saying how I truly feel. I don't want to live out the rest of my life boiling and festering inside because I can't say what I really want to. I should be able to talk about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING...but right now I can't. And I don't know if it's fear of the reaction or fear of the repercussions or maybe just fear of the unknown of what will happen next. It needs to stop.
So I did it. But this battle isn't over yet. This whole coming clean thing will be an uphill struggle. I need to maintain my strength and be honest with myself and others about what the real issues are. I just hate hurting other people, and if I think what I have to say may hurt them, I don't want to say it...Of course, then nights like last night happen and it all explodes. Oof.
Had a rough night last night...liquid courage can be a blessing or a curse and I feel like it was a little bit of both.
Sticking to my resolution (I guess you could say)I opened up about everything that was on my mind. I laid it all out there...every dirty bit. And that is scary. I almost feel regretful about it, because I feel like it shouldn't have come out that way. I may have sounded beligerent and bitchy, but it really just had built up to such a point, I could no longer stand it.
The only way for me to be happy (I know this) is to be able to freely talk about everything. I want to be asked about my hopes, dreams, aspirations. I want to talk about the future not like "what if" but more like "when it." I know I've lost my edge. I know I've lost my confidence. And I am most definitely working to get it back. Unfortunately, the entire "laying it all out there" that happened last night may have hurt someone, and I am sorry about that. But I couldn't contain it any longer.
I don't want to live the rest of my life fearing saying how I truly feel. I don't want to live out the rest of my life boiling and festering inside because I can't say what I really want to. I should be able to talk about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING...but right now I can't. And I don't know if it's fear of the reaction or fear of the repercussions or maybe just fear of the unknown of what will happen next. It needs to stop.
So I did it. But this battle isn't over yet. This whole coming clean thing will be an uphill struggle. I need to maintain my strength and be honest with myself and others about what the real issues are. I just hate hurting other people, and if I think what I have to say may hurt them, I don't want to say it...Of course, then nights like last night happen and it all explodes. Oof.
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 11:01 AM
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