Lost

I feel lost. So extremely lost. The things I thought I once knew, I realize I really have no clue. The direction I saw my life headed seems to be going away from where I thought it would. And that is scary. I mean, I thought I had life figured out, but the way it has been going for the past while, I'm starting to second-guess everything. That's never a good feeling.

I don't know what to do. I know I need to stop thinking. Stop worrying. Stop trying to look far down the road and actually just focus on my next step. But I have never been good at that. I guess the sad thing is that lately, even looking far down the road, I don't know what I see.

I used to pride myself on my self-assuredness. I used to pride myself on my strength and resiliency. But those have escaped me for some reason. I don't know if it's age or just prior life experiences that make me feel this way, but I can;t seem to get them back. I think the "problem" is I also care a lot more about other peoples' feelings than I did back then. And I know that anything that changes now is going to change EVERYTHING I know...Oof.