Who knows?
LOL. Miss a month then go 2 days in a row!? Who woulda thunk it?!?
It's strange tonight. I went from really happy to really sad in the blink of an eye. I think I let stuff that tries to drag me down actually do it. What is it though? Let me attempt to start....
I don't want to seemingly take anyone for granted, but every so often, I wish for once I wasn't me. Every so often, I wish I had a huge group of friends. Every so often, I wish I was that girl (again) who had the parties every weekend. Who had an assload of people over all the time. The girl who "had it all together" and other youngins "looked-up to..." anymore, I feel like a washed-out, has been.
When I was in school, working 40+ hours/week and taking a full time course load at Kent, I felt like I had all the time in the world. I may have been up at 6:15am, and I didn't get home from work until 10pm, and I may have had homework and other crap to do, but I still had time to party hard, get shit done, and then to be up and ready for another day of stuff at 6:15am again. What happened to that girl?!? Anymore, I'm up at 5:45am, I get home at 6:30 pm and I'm in bed by 11pm...give or take depending on the night. This entire "grown-up life" isn't all that it was cracked up to be, let me tell you.
As time wears on, and I look back and see that my past is nothing more than ashes getting lost in the wind, I can't help but ponder what would have been, if what could have been...I love my life now. I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world, and my best friend(s) I would give my life for, but every so often, I just wish that I could absolutely, totally and utterly accept the life that I am leading. All of it. From top to bottom. Left to right. Etc. etc....Ahhh such is life, to always wonder and ponder what ifs.
Who knows where the morning shall take me (aside from work). Maybe to an enlightened state of being? HAHA! I could only wish. And with the vividness and indepthedness of all the dreams I have on any given night, I should go into an observation study because HOLY HELL they are weird!
Ok, off I go. What can I leave you to ponder...Hmmm..Who knows? Only time...
It's strange tonight. I went from really happy to really sad in the blink of an eye. I think I let stuff that tries to drag me down actually do it. What is it though? Let me attempt to start....
I don't want to seemingly take anyone for granted, but every so often, I wish for once I wasn't me. Every so often, I wish I had a huge group of friends. Every so often, I wish I was that girl (again) who had the parties every weekend. Who had an assload of people over all the time. The girl who "had it all together" and other youngins "looked-up to..." anymore, I feel like a washed-out, has been.
When I was in school, working 40+ hours/week and taking a full time course load at Kent, I felt like I had all the time in the world. I may have been up at 6:15am, and I didn't get home from work until 10pm, and I may have had homework and other crap to do, but I still had time to party hard, get shit done, and then to be up and ready for another day of stuff at 6:15am again. What happened to that girl?!? Anymore, I'm up at 5:45am, I get home at 6:30 pm and I'm in bed by 11pm...give or take depending on the night. This entire "grown-up life" isn't all that it was cracked up to be, let me tell you.
As time wears on, and I look back and see that my past is nothing more than ashes getting lost in the wind, I can't help but ponder what would have been, if what could have been...I love my life now. I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world, and my best friend(s) I would give my life for, but every so often, I just wish that I could absolutely, totally and utterly accept the life that I am leading. All of it. From top to bottom. Left to right. Etc. etc....Ahhh such is life, to always wonder and ponder what ifs.
Who knows where the morning shall take me (aside from work). Maybe to an enlightened state of being? HAHA! I could only wish. And with the vividness and indepthedness of all the dreams I have on any given night, I should go into an observation study because HOLY HELL they are weird!
Ok, off I go. What can I leave you to ponder...Hmmm..Who knows? Only time...
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 10:45 PM
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