It's been a while...
(Wow, I've never missed a month before).
Obviously it has been a while, but that doesn't mean that I haven't had many things to say and write about. Today though, today has been a trying day from start to finish.
I woke up with a HORRIBLE dream fresh on my mind, one that I couldn't shake for the life of me. Then as the day progressed, it was the little things that were getting to me. A woman at work's father is in the hospital and they are taking him off life support, which triggered memories of Bill and the 10 days of raging emotion around that. I took a comment the wrong way today and got BEYOND upset, to the point of actually breaking down and having to pull myself back together. There's more to that one, but that's a whole other story. It seemed like most of the people I encountered today must have had an extra bowl of DURRR Flakes this morning because they were idiots...Yea, it was that kind of day.
I've realized that I live outside myself. I realized that as I live my day-to-day life, I am in a sense floating above my physical being. I am a disconnected extension of more internalized feelings that I don't/can't bring to the real person I am. This doesn't mean that I'm not myself, it just means that I haven't quite gotten the hang of "me" yet. There's still the little things that I want to change, but nothing seems to be working, so then I'm led to believe, maybe this is just how I was meant to be. Perhaps I am utilizing the "grass is greener..." mentality?
Who knows? Right now though, I feel like life is a game of Russian Roulette, and I'm playing with a semi-automatic.
Obviously it has been a while, but that doesn't mean that I haven't had many things to say and write about. Today though, today has been a trying day from start to finish.
I woke up with a HORRIBLE dream fresh on my mind, one that I couldn't shake for the life of me. Then as the day progressed, it was the little things that were getting to me. A woman at work's father is in the hospital and they are taking him off life support, which triggered memories of Bill and the 10 days of raging emotion around that. I took a comment the wrong way today and got BEYOND upset, to the point of actually breaking down and having to pull myself back together. There's more to that one, but that's a whole other story. It seemed like most of the people I encountered today must have had an extra bowl of DURRR Flakes this morning because they were idiots...Yea, it was that kind of day.
I've realized that I live outside myself. I realized that as I live my day-to-day life, I am in a sense floating above my physical being. I am a disconnected extension of more internalized feelings that I don't/can't bring to the real person I am. This doesn't mean that I'm not myself, it just means that I haven't quite gotten the hang of "me" yet. There's still the little things that I want to change, but nothing seems to be working, so then I'm led to believe, maybe this is just how I was meant to be. Perhaps I am utilizing the "grass is greener..." mentality?
Who knows? Right now though, I feel like life is a game of Russian Roulette, and I'm playing with a semi-automatic.
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 10:17 PM
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