A lost treasure
I found something today, something I almost forgot I had. It was a book my friend Katy made me in high school. She put pictures of us, of me, of our old crew (The Outsiders) and had people sign messages in it as well. Reading through them, I couldn't help but smile. I guess all high school memories aren't as shitty as I tend to reflect upon.
The one line that pretty much everyone had in their little blurb to me was "never stop being yourself". It's kind of funny, because most of them went on to say how they love the way I tell it like it is and I'm not afraid to be myself. When looking back, and comparing myself to who I was then, I wonder, am I really myself now? Or was I really myself then? Or are they two in the same being?
I know how bleak and gloomy my outlook on life was in high school. Luckily, the physical scars have been reduced to nothing more than little pricks that barely anyone can see (unless they actually pay attention, then they seem to be mighty obvious--at least to me). I'm glad these didn't last, because if they did, I think they would be a brutally evident and screaming reminder of the shit that I felt then. As time wore on, though I embraced (and still do) the morbose, vile, and devilish things, I matured in the sense that I wasn't a poser-Goth chic, I was always the true me.
Sometimes I think I am stranger than normal when I don't feel pain. Sometimes I feel like I am not the true me when I actually see sunshine and billowy clouds. Sometimes I wonder if I am just not meant to fit into any clique or group, but luckily, I don't really care. I know I let it get to me when I don't fit in with the "girlfriend/wives" or the girls at work, or even with people that I work with on a day-to-day basis, but oh well. I am my person, and my own being, and some days it's easier to accept that than others. But as I always say, all you have to do is keep floating through life...just keep floating in the ether...and you'll make it somewhere, if nowhere else, at least in your mind...
The one line that pretty much everyone had in their little blurb to me was "never stop being yourself". It's kind of funny, because most of them went on to say how they love the way I tell it like it is and I'm not afraid to be myself. When looking back, and comparing myself to who I was then, I wonder, am I really myself now? Or was I really myself then? Or are they two in the same being?
I know how bleak and gloomy my outlook on life was in high school. Luckily, the physical scars have been reduced to nothing more than little pricks that barely anyone can see (unless they actually pay attention, then they seem to be mighty obvious--at least to me). I'm glad these didn't last, because if they did, I think they would be a brutally evident and screaming reminder of the shit that I felt then. As time wore on, though I embraced (and still do) the morbose, vile, and devilish things, I matured in the sense that I wasn't a poser-Goth chic, I was always the true me.
Sometimes I think I am stranger than normal when I don't feel pain. Sometimes I feel like I am not the true me when I actually see sunshine and billowy clouds. Sometimes I wonder if I am just not meant to fit into any clique or group, but luckily, I don't really care. I know I let it get to me when I don't fit in with the "girlfriend/wives" or the girls at work, or even with people that I work with on a day-to-day basis, but oh well. I am my person, and my own being, and some days it's easier to accept that than others. But as I always say, all you have to do is keep floating through life...just keep floating in the ether...and you'll make it somewhere, if nowhere else, at least in your mind...
posted by Ill-Fated Butterfly at 11:11 PM
1 Comments:
Dude, wow does that take me back. I remember someone saying exactly the same thing about being yourself in high school.
I also had my angry/dark times (probably not as strong as yours), and I think at one point I defined myself as angry and a little dark. But you almost get to exactly that point... that you are what you choose to define yourself as. If you want to define yourself as a lover of puffy clouds, then so be it. :) It doesn't harm your street cred.
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