Too Much Morning Thought

Sometimes it's hard being me. It's hard to fit into the mold I built for myself. It's like when you buy a pair of jeans and when you get them home and try them on, you just pour out of them (corny, but it gets the point across).

It's so much easier for me to spew out words of wisdom and encouragement when it comes to someone else. It's so much simpler for me to say "You are your own worst critic," and "Falling stars land where they're meant to," especially when I know that everything will work out for the other person.

God, early morning ramblings suck. I woke up with a million things to say and trying to give them life is NOT an easy task. I know I'm too hard on myself (maybe some say not enough because if I was tougher and harder I would work double-time to get out of this rut). But I'm doing all that I can.

Maybe it's just the "feeling comfortable in my own skin" issue? I think I'm doing a LOT better with that though. But it's more the superficial comfort (amazing but true). It's aggravating knowing that I hold an entry level position. It's "rewarding" yet a bummer knowing that I KICK ASS at what I do...Because in words from the movie Waiting, "It's like I'm the smartest kid with downs." Brutal statement, yes, but it ties back into the being hard on myself. I can be the most kick ass, awesome, lovable admin assistant, but that's not enough for me. I've done that job and succeeded at rocking at it...Now I want more.

Yea, that's it. I want more. I want to feel like I actually fit in the company. I want to feel important. I feel like the world is revolving and everyone is moving forward, but I'm stuck standing still. I'm on the dock waving as the boat sails away...Curse it all...

(But on a lighter note, at least my personal life is an absolute dream---and an AWESOME one).