Social Anxiety? (Meant to be posted 12-20)

Sometimes I wonder if it is true what I've been told, I never "experienced" true college life. My brother always told me that I screwed up by not living on campus. I never gained the whole "college experience" because I moved from home to my first apartment. I never hung around campus, because I usually worked at night, and why would I drive back and forth every day (more than I already had to)? Aside from the fact that I really didn't have any friends who lived on campus a/o wanted to go out, I just never made it back to hang out there.

We used to throw parties every weekend where the crew would come over and we would get drunk and belligerent. It was always a good time, but looking back now, I wonder if I should have tried harder to gain more of the college appeal. I can't say that life was sucky (by any means) because we were always busy doing something, but every so often, I get that "regret" ping (though I regret nothing...) but someone's got to know what I mean.

Even now, going out is something I look forward to, yet dread all in the same. Given, I really don't go out as much as I'd "like" to, and it's always exciting until I get the wave of nervous nausea where I feel the anxiety of social settings preparing to roundhouse kick me in the face...So yea. I think it's a "grass is greener" kind of thing too. It always seems like people who go out often (or more often than I) always have this killer time, and then there's me, sitting on my couch with a bottle of wine...Yea...

I guess another thing is that I like to go out with a group, preferably a group of people that I know a/o like. I like to think I have a strong head on my shoulders as well, but when I get out there and see all the perfect normies, I get a little (ok maybe a lot) self conscious. Size 2 chics with D creamers and outfits made for Maxim, all hanging in their gaggle of perfection, then I look in a mirror, and there's me... Definitely NOT like them (which is good because of the disdain I hold for girlie girls) but a little nerve wracking none the less. Then the massive wave of thoughts crashes through my mind, making me wonder, ponder and over-analyze EVERYTHING, and my night is shot.

So who knows? I know I sure as hell don't. Just something I felt strongly about babbling about. Maybe one of my 07 resolutions will be to change that feeling/issue? I dunno. We shall see I guess. And that's about all I have on that topic...