Time is all I have

Time seems to be all that there is anymore. Day in, and day out, time will heal all wounds. It's finally sinking in with me. Patience is not a virtue that I can say that I have, but I can see that with each day that passes, I become a little stronger and a little more patient. I know that all I have to do is wait, and great things will come. Time is not the killer, but time apart seems to be.
Slowly, things are evolving and I am quite content. I wish that the progress would be a little faster, but I cannot complain. Things are 1000 times better than they were before, and with that in mind, I begin each day believing that today will be a little better than the day before. Knowing this and realizing this, I can see that happiness is coming closer and closer to me. In time, everything will make sense, and I will finally be able to know what isn't, to understand what is.
Absence is to love as wind is to a fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.

Strength throughout it all

Each day, we wake with a new found sense of hope, a new found sense of frustration, and a new found sense of self. The past, be it memories, pictures, or even just vague recollections of past occurences, all haunt the footsteps of the future.
Escaping the shadow of regrets is what wills the soul to move forward. Though, at times, it seems easier just to give up on the battle, the war still wages on. Strength and will power and patience are what will help overcome all odds. It's hard to rely on those, because at times one may feel weak and push to have tomorrow today. It's hard to smile and laugh and carry on, when you are screaming inside to have a feeling of accomplishment, like your trials and tribulations were not done in vain.
Everyday is a new beginning, and possibly a new end. One door opens, and another closes. You find a path into a different part of the labryinth of life. And when the times get tough, and you just want to give up and live in the blackened abyss of life, it is important to remember that every cloud does have a silver lining, and you must know and realize...it can't rain all the time.

Plummiting into the Unknown

I can feel my life slipping away from me. I'm so tired, so quiet, so calm. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I am floating into and out of a dream, but I'm not scared. Reality is slowly coming to light, and my senses are slowly being regained. The big question remains.. where do I go? What do I do?
I feel as though I am falling into a deep, blackened abyss. Kicking and flailing I go down, but I don't fear what lurks at the bottome. I don't know why, but I feel as though I am going to achieve happiness with this final descent. Time is what is supposed to be the ultimate factor, but I can't help but believe I am going to get what I have been searching for all along.

Power of Friendship

It's amazing what the power of friendship can do to a person. I mean, just talking to my best friend totally changed my mood. Getting together with her; drinking, laughing, smoking, swimming in the lake, and bullshitting until 6 a.m. was absolutely incredible! It was like every care, every worry, every burden had been lifted off me. I felt like I had escaped from the chaos that my life seemed to become. It was empowering talking to her. Being in her presence, I felt there was NOTHING that I couldn't accomplish and there was NOTHING I couldn't do. I told her I appreciate her being that true friend who said "yeah, you screwed up big time, but I always have and I always will love you, because you are my sister". She told me that she really looks up to me and is proud of me for telling the truth and standing up to everyone and openly admitting that "yes, I made a mistake, but I am sorry and I am trying to make it better". She told me that I am one of (if not the) strongest people she knows, and I told her that the only reason I am that strong, is because I have a friend like her, always at my back. Friendship is an amazing thing, and I feel blessed to have found someone like her, that I can not only call my bestfriend, but my sister.

Going for the Gold

It's funny how life can throw you into a tailspin at the funniest times. You think that everything is going your way, that your life is gonna get back on track and will never de-rail again, but then it does. Why does the heart have to affect what the mind thinks so much? Why does the mind have to attempt to control the heart?? It's a never ending internal conflict that just screams to have an end or even just a truce.
My life sounds like an overdramatic soap opera, but it's really not. It's just that emotions run so high all the time, nothing ever seems set. I know I am trying to rush things, but it's hard not to. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I know there is happiness in that light. But like I said before, the train of my life seems to keep breaking down or derailing whenever I think that I can achieve that euphoric feeling. "Life may be long" as someone once told me, but if tomorrow never comes, is it still considered to be long? What if you never woke up? Could you say you were honestly happy and did everything in your power to make yourself totally happy?
Life's too short to waste even a second. If you love someone, you should want to be with them, to take away their pain, or even just to rekindle the friendship that the two of you hold so deeply. Everysecond of every day may seem a little too extreme, but talking on the phone for a brief chit chat every other day isn't too much. It's not like either of you are answering to each other, but it would be a way to make the comfort level rise. Why live your life in fear or in hang-ups? You have to take that chance, make the plunge, take a leap of faith, and go with the flow. Stop worrying what everyone else will say, and just go for it. To truly live life, one must learn that the only way that they can live it for and with someone, is by first living it for themself, and realizing what is most important to them.

What is the meaning of anything?

What is the meaning of anything anymore? How many times will I ask myself, why how many times? What's the deal?!?!
There comes a time in everyone's life where the answers are so apparent, that you cannot miss them. So why can't everyone else see them that way?
How many times can I say I'm sorry, before the words are meaningless??? A friend told me that her fiance and her don't say "I love you" every time they talk, because if they did, the words would lose meaning...is this true? Do words just become habit and have no depth or truth to them after a while??? I just can't figure it out!!!!
I just feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, and I'm waiting for a push or a gust of wind to send me over the edge! Why is everyone so much more "holier than thou"? How is that one mistake can make life such a chaotic piece of work?! Let the truth be told that I stepped up to the plate and I braced myself for the impact of everyone's words and judgements, but I wasn't prepared to lose everything that I held close to my heart.
What's the meaning of this blog? Is it incessent rambling and just words combined to form sentences, or is there more to it than that?!?! The decision is yours, and yours alone...