Back to the single life!

Welp...Back to the drawing board. I don't dislike single life. It's quite free, liberating and, well, single! But it's still disheartening to a point. I mean, how the heck do I get into these situations?! LOL.

Also, I guess it kinda comes back onto me...like what's so wrong with me? Is it me? Do I do this? Do I purposely sabotage myself somehow by expecting too much? Wanting too much? Requiring too much? Who knows.

It's sometimes hard feeling happy when really, I want a family. I want to start a life. I want ankle-biters and a hubs and a white picket fence (no, actually I'm content with my house) but maybe a dog! BAH.

Time to get back out there! See what may be available for my taking...muahahaha

Here we go again

I'm scared. I'm really scared. Scared of making the wrong decision for the right reasons, scared of making the right decision for the wrong reasons. I'm at such a crazy crossroads, such a conundrum. I don't know what to do.

The problem, I know, is I'm holding on to the past. I'm holding onto the FUN, the excitement, the kink, the awesomeness. But I'm also disregarding the bad. I'm also not thinking clearly. I'm also so fucking confused!

It shouldn't be this tough, which is why I think maybe this isn't it. But then I think I'm just being me and over-thinking, over-analyzing, over-evertyhinging!

Do I really want to chance losing a forever, to get back a fun past? A past that has no future? BAH

SHIT

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Is it happening again? I kinda think it's happening again. And "it" is never good. And I don't know what to do. How to stop it? Should I stop it? Should I not? I'm so confused for no good reason. Why? Because I over-think way too damn much and this is where it takes me.

Definitely had some karmic fuckery going on yesterday...and lasting into today. I think it's some kinda test. Dare I say...revelation? Or attempted revelation? Of what? No clue. That's what I'm still trying to figure out.

I partly blame the Full Moon for this...I think that has a hand in the insanity. Guess we'll see, eh?

500th Post!!!!

Will it be bitching? Will it be moaning? Will it be whining? Will it be an epiphany?....

Perhaps a nice blend of them all.

So as usual...life has taken yet another chaotic turn. WTF?! Why must people be so insecure? Why must they be so nice? Why must they be so them? I know reading this it probably looks like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but seriously...this shit needs to stop.

I don't know if this is PMS or just all my thoughts coming to a head, but man, I feel like I'm floundering again. What I thought I totally knew, I don't. What I thought I was totally over, I'm not. What I currently think I realize makes no sense. BAH!

Honestly, I had so much more in-depth things to talk about, but seeing that I'm at my 500th post, my brain has decided to cease function and now I can't formulate the thoughts I really wanted to get out there. Hmpf. Oh well, I guess that's what post 501 will be about!