It's That Time Again...Again...

Every year around this time, I get the same "heavy heart" feelings. So many things, life-altering things happened between the months of October and December. From new relationships, to break-ups, to "mistakes" that were the best mistakes that could have happened....Total game changers.

And every year, I get sad. I somehow always seem to forget until the season hits and then WHAM, like a MAC truck it slams into my psyche and consciousness. And then I'm left in a world of thought. My mind is going hard-core 25/7 (if that's even possible). My dreams are so realistic, when I wake up, I can't tell if they really happened or not. I hate sounding crazy, but I almost feel like I can't get a good grasp on reality. What is? What isn't? What was or wasn't? So insane.

And you'd think I would be used to feeling emotionally and mentally unsettled, because this has happened every year for the past 10 years, but I'm not...I never am. One would think I would stray away from listening to songs that remind me of the past, looking through pictures and notes and cards, reading back through old journals....But I don't. I keep doing it. Maybe I don't want to forget? Maybe like the song says "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all."