Mental Break Through

Who's a nut...I'm a nut! I was just thinking about how stupid-insane I have been over the past month or two, and I realized, I AM A NUT!!

The reason I am so upset and insane over everything is because I inflate everything into a huge drama that it doesn't need to be. I mean, I guess I got so used to having to have something crazy-stupid happening, that when I had a lull, I made things into stupid-crazy happenings and went with those. It's so silly!

And the down on myself junk...Yea, that doesn't seem like it will ever end, but I see pictures of myself and wonder, "why are you feeling so blech?!?!?" because they're not bad!! I mean, I see them, and I feel GREAT when I do! So I know it's just a trick of the mind and a trick of the mirror that gets me into the Me-hating zone.

But for now, I am done with all this crap. I am done with it. I am on to bigger and better things and on to ENJOYING everything there is to enjoy! HOORAY! Mental break through!!

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry for being me...

I'm sorry for the way I get.
I'm sorry for the things I do.
I'm sorry for getting so down so much.
I'm sorry, for being "her".

I'm sorry to snap at the drop of a hat.
I'm sorry for getting angry at nothing at all.
I'm sorry for getting angry at everything.
I'm sorry for getting angry at nothing.
I'm sorry for being "me".

I'm sorry for the things I do.
I'm sorry for being insane.
I'm sorry for being, just being.
I'm sorry for getting this way.

I guess I'm sorry for it all.
I'm sorry for being such a fruit.
I'm sorry for just getting...just getting.
I'm sorry for being not me.

And with time comes patience. And with time comes contentment. And with time comes the understanding that "that girl" is still here, and that "that girl" never left. And with time comes the knowing that she was always here. And with time comes knowing that she had never left. And with time comes knowing that she just wants to be, to be everything that she dreams.

So I'm sorry for being stupid. I'm sorry for being such a bitch. I'm so sorry for being such a wretched person. I'm sorry!!! But please know, I was always here. I never went away. And I never intend to disappear again...

Let's try this again

Ok, I have been a raging nut case for a good while now. I haven't been myself, and that has been hurting the people that mean the most to me. That's not right. I'm not right. But I realize this, and am going to make a go (again) to get into the "New Me" mindset.

It's a lot easier said than done. I mean, most great changes are a hell of a lot easier said than done, but I've overcome stuff a lot harder than this...I can do it...I know I can...