what lies beneath

don't dismiss a chance because you're not guaranteed a definite
yet don't immediately accept a definite just because you haven't received an off chance
believe in the possibility of the impossible
the things that only exist in your mind
the memories that haven't yet happened
the thoughts you have yet to think
go back to believing without knowing
the beauty of childhood's untampered mind
jumping without fear of landing
laughing without fear of repercussions
speaking without fear of consequences
the purity of each new thought being conceived
and having the constitution to believe when no one else does
are the truths that lie hidden beneath the jaded thoughts of realism...

You Can't Judge a Book...

I was talking to a friend last night, and we hit a topic that I felt was very important and over-looked too often...The idea of judging a book by its cover.

It all comes down to idea of preconceived notions of people based on outward appearances and actions, as well as knowing tidbits about themselves that are falsified ideas based on what is expected to be of them in your mind. A person who is a "complete opposite" can be the one who spikes the greatest feelings of interest and intrigue. When these two feelings get started, there's no going back. You want to know more and more about them, and in doing so, the prior feelings of "knowing" about that person are erased, and you realize that there's so much more there.

It's hard to accurately portray exactly what is going on in my mind. I've been taking walks a lot in an attempt to cleanse and sort out all the stuff that's jumbled in the good ole cranium. It's been working to a point, but there's always more thoughts to be thunk (teehee). Never a dull moment...Which is good because it gets me into, and keeps me out of trouble all the same. So yea, I have lots of things going on, and I am loving every second of them.

I guess the last point I will make for this blurb is about how others make you feel. I know I said in a previous blog that I go into work in a wicked-chipper mood due to the fact that it seems to cheer up everyone else, but I don't think I'd be able to be that way 24/7 if it wasn't for mitigating factors (i.e. people) that I am surrounded by. Sometimes, the last person that you would ever think to enter your life, is the one who sparks something you totally forgot was there...And that spark is one of the coolest feelings. Life's too short to worry about everything and to "what if" it all...You just have to savor the flavor of the little things and enjoy the now, because when you do, happiness is always around you.

It's a BRAND NEW Year

Well, it's a new year and I can't believe how awesome it is going so far. I know it's just the beginning. I know that we are just 17 days into 365...But I can't help but feel an overwhelming sigh of relief. I feel as though I am really free to live my life again. I needed for 2005 to be over. I needed to get it behind me, and be ready to let it stay behind me. I'm at the point right now.

Could it be because of surrounding circumstances? Could it be because I kept promising that after the year I would let the past go...And succeeded? Could it be because every year, I grow a little more, and I'm better able to work through the hard times and not let them impact me in a way that deteriorates my way of living? I don't know. And frankly, I don't care. I feel like me, the real me. I feel like the "act" that I had put on for so long is gone now, and that I can be myself.

Work is also a positive thing for me. I can't remember EVER going into work happy everyday. Maybe it's because of my position here? I'm "the voice". I'm "the face" (as my boss refers to me as). It just feels good being legitimately happy. I have nicknames for everyone, and I'm told that I brighten peoples days. That may be another reason why I try to be chipper, even when I'm tired or just blah.

All in all, this year is going better than I ever could have imagined. I'm leading a life that I've wanted to lead for a long time. I have my resolutions. I know what I have to do to make me 100% , and I know that it's going to take time. But I won't that get me down. Life may be short, but it's all what we make of the now...And what we make of the now, is what will determine our attitude for the future.

To Bill

In loving Memory of Bill.

I don't know what more can be said except I miss you and love you lots. I know you're looking down on the boys as well as everyone else, and we all miss you.