Quick blurb--stupid holidays

Have you ever wanted something so bad, but when you get it, you don't really want it anymore? Why is that? You strive so hard to attain that thing you feel will complete you or make you happy...But it has an adverse affect...And it does just the opposite. Is it because it's not exactly what you wanted in your mind? Is it because you feel there is something wrong, something missing? Is it because it's not what you had pre-planned? So many questions without any answers.

I guess I'm feeling kinda shady because of the holidays. Once upon a time I LOVED them, I couldn't wait for them to arrive. Now, I just wish they'd pass me by. Yes, it's fun to decorate and buy stuff for people and see the lights and listen to Christmas songs, but it's not the same anymore. The winds of change blew that flame out, and I am left with a hand burned from melted wax, and no light to lead me.

Cual es la punta de vida

It seems that it has come time for yet another moment of blahness...But why this time? Is it because things are going really well? Is it because I feel I am lacking one key element? Is it because blahness has become such a prominent part of my life, that when I don't feel it for a while, I unconsciously pull myself back into it for one reason or another??? I just don't know.

It just seems like there are some lingering issues that I either haven't fully accepted or figured out, and it's driving me insane. I finally have a packed schedule. I no longer sit on my ass every night, chilling in front of the television, bitching because there is nothing to do. I hook up with friends and family more than ever before, and it's great...But if it's so great, then what's the problem?

Part of me feels it's this month...So many thing happened in November in the past. Maybe this is me preparing for the month of December, what used to be my most favorite month of all time. Maybe it's just me prepping for something bad just in case something bad comes along. I think I am back to that point where I'm tired of being me. I want to see the person that so many other people see. I want to feel the way I once did...Anymore, I only feel that when I'm in dreams. I want to wake up feeling content and pleased with myself, not like I am so kind of failure for all the things I haven't yet accomplished...

I guess it all comes down to this question...This question with an answer that is so distant and so vague, it may never actually be solved...If anyone could answer it, God, they'd be beyond amazing...cual es la punta de vida? What is the point of life?

A thought inspired by a friend

I was chatting to a friend last night (via instant message) and he said something that made a lot of sense to me. We really hadn't been talking that often, and he apologized for being cold and stand off'ish. I told him it wasn't a big deal, because I know we all have those moments, and sometimes they last a lot longer than a little bit. He then went on to say that he's been having a real rough time with stuff lately. Again, I reassured him that if he ever needs to talk, I am always here. His response is what struck me as strangely familiar...I may mis-quote this, but the general statement was "I don't need to talk, I need someone to listen and understand where I'm coming from, even when I don't say anything". I thought that was one of the most profound and deep-rooted to the soul, things to say.

I can totally relate to it as well. It's nice to have someone who understands what you "need". Talking doesn't help. Listening to another doesn't help. But when you don't have to say anything, and that special person is listening to your breath and reading what you're saying in your eyes...It's a very peaceful and stress releasing moment. You don't feel obligated to talk. You could cry and they know what it's all about...And they're there for you. That's the biggest and most wonderful thing! They are there for you... Regardless of anything and everything...They are there for you. And I'm happy to say, the one who inspired this blog has helped me to bring words to the empty page of thought I've been trying to fill for quite some time...