The end of another year...

Here it is. The last day of 2012. Many things have happened over the past year. Many things I never believed possible. But they happened.

The year started off on a positively frightening note...my Papa going in for surgery. He had to have his kidney removed because of cancer. It was two weeks of terror, as he suffered at home without the proper (IMO) pain killers. But slowly, he started to heal and regain his strength. Thank GOD for that!

As the months rolled on, I lost my best friend. It wasn't immediate. It was a little by little, day by day thing. I felt it had happened long before it did. Hell, I felt it happen right after he started dating the girl who didn't grow to hate me, who hated me from the start. They're engaged now, and though he hates me and wrote me a letter that was filled with disdain, hatred and cruelty, if she's what makes him happy, then so be it. They say the ones we love bring out the real us...if that's the real him, and he legitimately is that filled with anger and hate for me, them it's better things are done. I can't say I don't miss the him and us I love(d). So I will just say, I'm happy he's happy - at no matter what expense it took to get him there.

I rekindled the "fires of love" with a man I dated off-and-on last year. Though things may be rocky, his heart is seriously the biggest I've ever encountered. The road is windy and the mountains are high, but it's always an adventure with us. I hope with all hopes that the "pressures" and "stresses" ease through the new year, and I'm sure they will. It's always a learning experience.

I've grown closer to friends. And new ones have come into my life. I am truly, truly blessed to have all that I do and know everyone I know.

So here we go. Into a new year. Into a new life. Into a new mindset. Hello 2013. Let's see what you got!

Growing Up Isn't Easy

Ya know, it's hard enough acting all adult-like when it comes to bills and monetary responsibilities and obligations, but it's even harder when it comes acting as such in your personal life.

As I usually say, I feel like I'm at the cliff's edge again, but I'm not waiting for the gust of wind, I'm just going to take the jump on my own. Scary scary scary. Not scary, just uncertain. That's an even better word for it. Because that's what it equates to: A feeling of uncertainty and just ???????.

Hopefully everything goes well. I feel uncharacteristically calm...but then I start (characteristically) over-thinking and worry that this is a "calm before the storm" feeling of calmness. Then I go bi-polar and agree with what Theory of a Deadman says...AWWWW, FUCK IT!

I can't worry about that which I have no control over. The future is always undefined and uncertain, that's what makes it mysterious and exciting! At least when I make the jump, it'll give it a little more definition (at least I hope) and perhaps shine a light at the end of the present tunnel I'm barreling down.