Sadness. Not cool.

I'm sad today. I had dreams last night that made my heart start to ache a little bit.

One was where an ex and I were chatting like we normally do and he made a comment that his "girl is kinda annoying him by posting too much cutesie stuff on his FB page." When I went online, I saw his status was "In a relationship with..." and there was a pic of a really cute blond girl. (If he is indeed dating said person, I do hope she makes him truly happy.)

But when I woke up, I got an overwhelming feeling of "sadness". I don't know it's legitimately a sad feeling, but it makes me feel blue. Not to say I haven't missed him, but I really haven't felt this way about him in almost a year...perhaps it's just that time of year? I mean, we did just break up a year ago...and right around my birthday no less, so I'm sure there's residual feelings of hurt lingering somewhere in this body and mind.

The unfortunate thing is I can't shake the feeling. I try thinking of all the reasons we wouldn't work, but even those aren't helping. *sigh*

Well, here's to hoping the day brings something to take my mind off the dream and get my heart through the hurt.

Ooo lesson learned...

Well fuck. LOL. The day just took a verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry interesting and not-so-awesome turn. It is definitely a time where I think this is karma's way of kicking my ass! It could have been a lot worse...a LOT worse...So I am quite thankful for that. But I still feel a sense of loss, embarrassment, sorrow (and maybe even a hint of WTF). LOL. I LOL because in essence, the situation in itself is just embarrassingly stupid, juvenile and "hilarious"...however I know I'd be singing a different tune had things gone differently.

So it should be noted, if you don't want someone reading something, be sure to check that what you sent/wrote was either hard-deleted or destroyed (and we're talking incinerated in a fire, screw the shredder)!!!

Yep. Lesson learned. Chalk that one up to learning the hard way!!!

Waiting for the wind

Here we go...I get the feeling of being back on my cliff again. But this time, it's more exciting than not. It's more liberating than before. Now I'm just waiting for that right gust of wind...

Quick poem

And there she was.
Found.
Sitting on the edge of the pool.
Toes dangling in the cool crisp water.
Her lost mind, found.
Her sense of self, there.
And in an instant, it was all swept away.
Carried in the wind whistling through the palm trees.
Carelessly tossed along with the plastic bags and empty beer cans.
What once was was, was now is, was is was...
And that was it.
As simple as that, gone.
In the blink of an eye.
In the puff of a cigarette.
In the whisper of a wisp.
Gone.

BP on the rise

I just need to make it one more day...one more lonnng day. Perhaps in the next day or two this undue/unnecessary stress could take a hike?!!? I mean seriously people. Get off my case. Get off my back. I know you're trying to be helpful and supportive but I need you to back off and quit asking questions that I don't know how to answer. All they're doing is causing my BP to sky rocket (and I usually have stupid-low blood pressure) and making me get more and more anxious. I do not need this right before vacation!!!!