Surreality...I haz it.

This time of year is kind of surreal for me. I think it's always been that way. I mean, just last year life was soooooo different than it is today. So totally different.

It's weird because I think back to last year and remember where my mindset was. What I was thinking. What I was feeling. I remember this is the time when I really started doubting my relationship with the BF. I remember wondering if it was "normal" to feel so unsettled. In the end, it was better for the both of us to just be friends (because God knows we are both so much happier as we are now). But it's just a lot to take in.

Now I'm just stuck in kind of a mental limbo zone. I'm not sure the right moves to make. I don't want to force myself to make a decision based on the fact that everyone says it's right or that ideally it just makes sense.

I'm not as daring and "wild and crazy" as I once was...which really is a mixed bag. I used to leap before I looked. Spoke before I thought. Now I'm forever trying to figure out the right thing to do before doing it. Then, though I knew curiosity killed the cat, I never feared the metaphorical death. Now I always do. Which I need to stop, because it's really holding me back from living la vida loca that I loved so much.

Oh I dunno. Life's a gamble. It always was. Always will be. I don't want to play my cards too safe and miss out on a mega jackpot. But I also don't want to possibly lose everything. *sigh*