Why not me?

I hate to sound whiney. I hate to sound ungrateful for the life I have (which I love). But I can't help but wonder why not me?!

I found out tonight that my ex-fiance is due with his first child in February...He's happily married and now has a kid on the way...Why can't I have that? Mind you, when I say this, I do want to be happily married before I get preggers, but that's my point.

I at times feel like I'm being punished for my past indisgretions, like the way I was in my early 20s is totally effecting the outcome of my futre. And I know that's stupid and silly, but it's true. And what makes things doubly harder is that I'm cool with life right now! I mean, I never thought I would, but I dig being on my own. I dig having my own time to do whatever.

However, a tough thing I keep coming into contact with is that EVERY guy that seems to like me is either divorced with kids or just has kids. And while that shouldn't matter, it kind of does. I hate to sound this way, but I want a guy who can give me his everything. I want a guy who has me as his own, his one and only. I don't want to have to "compete" with others to fully have someone. I did that WAY too long, and the competition wasn't even his children! It was his family! NOT COOL!

I dunno. I'm happy for the ex and his baby-on-the-way, but it still kind of stings, because the biggest thing I hope, pray and wish for in my life, is to be happy...with someone who truly loves me...and to start a family...

I really hope it happens one day, one day soon...And again, I don't want to sound like I'm ungrateful or don't appreciate where I am today. Because I LOVE my life...I just want that extra piece to complete me...