First draft

To...

I'm sorry. I'm heart fully sorry for whatever it is that I said. I'm sorry for coming across as rude or mean or petty or however I came across. I'm extremely sorry for making you angry at me, and offending you at how I came across. I in no way meant to upset you or make you feel as though I don't respect your opinions, because I do. My attitude may have seemed crass, but that wasn't my intention at all. It's only because I was fighting back tears that I didn't want to shed. I didn't want you to think I was a blubbering idiot. I am a very emotional person, and when I know someone I love is hurting, I don't know how to react, because I feel that pain 1000 times more. I just wanted to make things right, and I am so sorry I made things worse. I apologize for whatever it is I have done, and can only ask that you give me one more chance, let me have one more beginning with you, to show you that the girl you met and liked from the start, is still here. I love you like my own family, and can only pray that we can work through this, knowing that I am truly sorry for whatever I have done.

-R-

To...

I'm so sorry to have put you into the situation we are in right now. I in no way EVER meant for it to be like this. I have never felt pain this strong, as when you told me that you were hurting and didn't know what to do. I will do everything in my power to make things right. I will do whatever it takes to make things better. I love you, I love your family, and had I known the things I had said would cause a great hole or rift, I never would have said them.

You are who I live and breathe for. You are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Your family is whom I want to call my family, all the days of my life. Had I known that coming out and saying everything that was on my mind was going to amount to a full-fledged debacle? issue? I never would have spoken out. I did, because I thought it was important. I believed that it would make things right to be as open and honest as possible. I was wrong, and I am so sorry. I never meant to get you stuck in the middle, yet be considered an outsider.

I will do everything in my power to make it right, whether it takes a minute, a day, a week, a year, 50 years, I will do everything that I can to make things as normal and comfortable as possible. You know me, and you know how I take things to heart. And you also know how I speak straight from the heart, and when I say that I am TRULY sorry, I mean it. When I say I WILL fix this, please know that I will. I love you more than anything. You're my number, and you always will be. I will make things right. I love you.

-M-

Why me?!

I don't understand.

I don't understand what it is that I have done that is so wrong. I don't understand why people act the way they do. Why the say things the way they do. Why they say the things they do, to me. I don't get it!!!

My stomach is a wreck. I feel like I could bawl at any second, and there is no stopping it. Well, I hope there will be a stop soon. I thought I teared out all that I could, but I didn't. There's still more. And why is there more? Is it for me? No. It's not. It's because I in no way want to hurt someone else on my own accord. Is it inevitable? I don't know. I don't want to anger, upset, hurt, piss off, WHATEVER insert word here ...Because that ISN'T me.

I pride myself on being real. I don't act for other people. I don't try to impress people or buy other people's affection. That's not me. I do things for others because that is what is in my heart to do!!!! I don't buy gifts for people to show-off, I do it because if I am out and I see something that reminds me of someone or I feel that they would like it, I buy it. End of story. You don't need a special occasion to buy someone a gift.

I don't know. I just don't know. It boggles the mind, and hurts the soul.