Too Much Morning Thought

Sometimes it's hard being me. It's hard to fit into the mold I built for myself. It's like when you buy a pair of jeans and when you get them home and try them on, you just pour out of them (corny, but it gets the point across).

It's so much easier for me to spew out words of wisdom and encouragement when it comes to someone else. It's so much simpler for me to say "You are your own worst critic," and "Falling stars land where they're meant to," especially when I know that everything will work out for the other person.

God, early morning ramblings suck. I woke up with a million things to say and trying to give them life is NOT an easy task. I know I'm too hard on myself (maybe some say not enough because if I was tougher and harder I would work double-time to get out of this rut). But I'm doing all that I can.

Maybe it's just the "feeling comfortable in my own skin" issue? I think I'm doing a LOT better with that though. But it's more the superficial comfort (amazing but true). It's aggravating knowing that I hold an entry level position. It's "rewarding" yet a bummer knowing that I KICK ASS at what I do...Because in words from the movie Waiting, "It's like I'm the smartest kid with downs." Brutal statement, yes, but it ties back into the being hard on myself. I can be the most kick ass, awesome, lovable admin assistant, but that's not enough for me. I've done that job and succeeded at rocking at it...Now I want more.

Yea, that's it. I want more. I want to feel like I actually fit in the company. I want to feel important. I feel like the world is revolving and everyone is moving forward, but I'm stuck standing still. I'm on the dock waving as the boat sails away...Curse it all...

(But on a lighter note, at least my personal life is an absolute dream---and an AWESOME one).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTOPHER!!!

Birthdays are always special times. Times for family. Times for happiness. Times for the memories that count...

How do you say the things you wish to say, when the things you wish to say hold so much more meaning that mere words can even express? Happy Birthday? HAPPY birthday? I don't know. Such a generic form of expression. Happy birthday to the man that means so much to so many? Is that too wordy? Happy birthday to the man that I love? Not saying enough...?

Happy birthday to the one that (before we were even dating) brought me home-made chicken soup when I was sick, when I was beyond grody, no make-up, baggy pajama pants and glasses? To the man who accompanied me to my parents anniversary, meeting them for the first time in such an instance? To the man who made my heart flutter with our first kiss...With our most recent kisses...? Or is that too much about me...?

How about this...How about Happy Birthday to the man who is more special and more important than he will ever know. To the man who is admired, admired and looked up to by not only his beautiful sibling, but his peers and friends as well. To the person who brings smiles and joy to the hearts that he touches (which is everyone he meets).

Maybe he knows it. Maybe he doesn't. But whatever the case is, I just want to wish a very Happy Birthday to my Christopher... I love you!